Monday, December 26, 2005

BARBIE REVENGE

Over the years many children have collected and played with Barbie, the popular fashionista with the frozen smile and bleached blond hair with no visible black roots. The doll who has spawned hundreds of plastic twin sisters has a wardrobe to die for, both literally and figuratively.

Seems that there are some girls - probably a minority - that have taken to torturing the poor girl...I mean, doll. According to research published recently by British academics (interesting that a lot of this type of "scientific" research is by Brits) young females consider this a part of their legitimate play ranging from burning Barbie's hair to decapitating her head and nuking Barbie in the microwave!

Researchers questioned 100 primary school children to gauge their attitudes to a range of products as part of a branding study, and discovered that Barie provoked the strongest reaction. The study indicated that many of the girls viewed Barbie as an inanimate object and not a lovable toy.

Maybe it's those blue eyes of hers that never blink and follow you everywhere. I mean, the girl...doll can't even stand up for herself for goodness sake, due to perpetually arched feet and lack of toes. IMHO - her real downfall arrived the day she said 'sayonara' to Ken. People began to take sides and this is the inevitable result. Mutilation.

There are some people...dolls that should never break up.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas or...Happy Holidays

There appears to be a controversy i.e. discussion...dispute...debate, regarding how people should address each other at this time of the year. Should one or is it correct to wish someone "Merry Christmas" or perhaps to be more "PC" one should limits one's wishes to "Happy Holidays?" Since when did greetings suddenly become the issue of the day?

A fellow writer recently ranted in a piece about encountering this issue while at the check out counter at a grocery store. Paying for his items he innocently wished the clerk, "Merry Christmas". A customer behind suddenly piped in, admonishing him for this action and told him to keep his good wishes to himself. The customer droned on and basically told the writer that he should not assume the clerk was a Christian.

Talk about bah humbug!

Since when did wishing people Merry Christmas...or any other greetings becomne a religioius issue? If I want to wish my Jewish friends, Happy Chanukah - then I will, or Joyeux Noel in French...or Kala Christougena to my Greek friends.

Reminds me of the story and flap a few years back in Toronto, Canada, when city council decided to call the fir tree that they put up every year, a holiday tree instead of the usual and more common Christmas Tree. As expected there was a huge furor over the re-naming and it wasn't long after that it returned to Christmas Tree.

As Shakespere said: " What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Merry Christmas...Happy Chanukah...have a joyful Kwanza and peace on earth, good will towards all.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

MONA LISA IS JUST A HAPPY CAMPER

For centuries people have pondered the enigmatic half-smile on Mona Lisa's face and speculated as to its origin. Now some experts believe that they have the answer. The lady is plain happy, period! When you're happy and you know it, you smile. Right?

Some Dutch researchers recently conducted a "fun" experiment and using scientific techonology, they scanned a reproduction of the painting using "emotion recognition" software developed in cooperation with the University of Illinois. The end conclusion was that Mona was smiling because she was 83% happy, 9% disgusted (how does one even deduce any disgust in that smile at all), six percent fearful (maybe she was worried about a roast that was burning) and 2% angry. Interesting that she was only 1% neutral, whatever that means.

It should be noted that the technology used was designed to be used with modern digital films and images, and subjects are required to be initially scanned in a neutral emotionless state.

Go know how she really felt inside!

A professor at the University of Amsterdam involved in the experiment, commented that they knew the results would be unscientific, since the softwear wasn't designed to register subtle emotions. The lead researcher who took the challenge as seriously as he could, used the faces of 10 women of Mediterranean ancestry to create a composite image of a neutral expression, and compared that to Mona's face scoring it on the basis of happiness, surprise, anger, disgust, fear and sadness. Biometrics experts not involved with the experiment said the results were interesting even if they aren't the last word on the Mona Lisa. Of course not! That would take away all the fun and mystery in speculating her real feelings.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

GETTING A LEG UP ON CRIME

Let's say...A person is asleep in bed in the middle of the night and suddenly, this person is awakened by noise. Knowing that there are only two people in the house with the other person in the same bed, it becomes obvious that this could be a break in with the perp still downstairs. Let's say... The "perp" decides to check around the house and enters the bedroom where the two people have prepared for this eventuality because the interloper is about to be hit with the leg of a night table after which he will be taken away by the police.

While this may appear as a far-fetched idea, it seems that a company in London, England has created a night table that converts into a weapon when needed. In the words of the creator: 'The 'Safe Bedside Table' has a removable leg that acts as a club and a top that doubles as a shield-defence.' Kind of like a knight in days of yore.

"Stand back foul intruder or I shall smite you with the leg of my night table!"

Statistically, it's reported that 50% of people in London are worried about security while they sleep. Perhaps installing an alarm system would be safer. The night table/weapon can be found at:

http://www.jamesmcadam.co.uk/portfolio_html/sb_table.html


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Seems the residents of Bexley Village in England have a problem that's got them all P.O.'d in the true sense of the word. They are upset over the fact that people are using the streets - gasp! - to empty their bladder. To deal with this socially unacceptable problem a law was enacted whereby those caught peeing will have the option of putting out an £80 fine or handed a pail of water to clean it up.

Pub owners are working with the police and have promised to provide hot water and materials to clean up the pee.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

IS THAT RUDOLPH OR RUDOLPHIA?

Came accross an interesting site that pondered the issue whether Rudolph - he of the red nose - is, in effect, a female! I suppose there's no law that states Rudolph couldn't be Rudolphia and that eight "tiny" reindeer have to be male. It would infer that a certain jolly old gentleman could be sexist.

Actually, there has been very little (if any) discussion or examination revolved around whether this could be/might be a possibility. According to the Wildlife Notebook series - Alaska Department of Fish and game, Santa's Reindeer (R.t saintnicolasmagicalus) look very similar to common reindeer or caribou! Could there be a cover-up afoot or ahoof? However, Santa's guys (or gals) have many characteristics distinguishing them from seven sub-species including the genus from Finland, Greenland and other places accross the globe where reindeer reside. This is a topic that would get a great discussion going while drinking egg nog.

Now we all know and accept that Santa's reindeer live at the North Pole and are catered to by Mr. and Mrs. Claus and some elves. Furthermore according to the piece, the R.t saintnicolas magicalus (a specialized breed obviously), they're not listed on the endangered species list. Whew - thank goodness!

It appears that both male and female of the species have antlers. Go figure! It has been generally accepted that only males grow them, ergo, Santa's reindeers are guys. However...the females keep the antlers until Spring (probably to use against overly-amourous bulls) and most bulls drop their antlers by early December. So the possibility exists that at least some of Santa's flock could be females! When you think about some of their names could be a clue like Cupid is definitely more feminine than masculin and Vixen and Prances could go either way.

Anyway, only Santa knows for sure and he's sure not telling!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

"Hello Rover? It's me! Pick up!"

ET isn't the only one to phone home. For those who are looking for the perfect holiday gift, here's an idea whose time has come.

A communications company based in Vancouver, British Columbia (Canada), has created a water-proof, voice-enabled GPS cell phone for dogs that will be available early next year. The phone, which will be bone-shaped, is targeted for roming pooches that enjoy a foray sometimes far from home. The bone phone will allow owners to contact their pets and track them down.

Statistically, approximately 9.7 milliion pets have gone missing since December 31, 2004.

The bone phone that will sell for approximately $350 - call plans and roaming charges haven't as yet been determined - attaches to a dog collar and has two buttons: one to call the owner's home and the other to contact the owner's cell phone.

The PetCell is set up to recognize only the number the owner enters. This means that Fido or Fifi won't be harrassed by wrong numbers and pesky telemarketers. Too bad they can't set up the same type of service for humans.

Even though dogs won't be downloading dog food commercial videos on their cells, the phone has some perks including a "geo fence capability" that alerts ownwers if poochie leaves the yard.

What's next? A cell phone for parakeets, hamsters, pet rabbits and iguanas? The mind boggles.

Monday, December 05, 2005

PARLEZ-VOUS MONKEY?

Shades of Dr. Doolittle!

This definitely belongs in the "I-didn't-know-that!" department. To most humans "monkey talk" sounds the same but it appears this isn't so. Primate researchers in Japan have discovered that monkeys have an accent depending on where they live.

A research team analyzed voice tones of two groups of the same species of primates, the Japanese Yakushima macaque. One group comprised 23 monkeys living in the southern Japanese island of Yakushima and the other group consisted of 30 descendants from the same tribe that had moved to another area. The end result indicated that the island group had a tone approximately 110 hertz higher on average than the one take taken to central Japan.
A researcher concluded that the monkeys living on Yakushima Island have an accent with a higher tone due to the amount of tall trees growing on the island that tend to block their voices.

Of course! It's so...logical!

This leads to the logical and correct assumption that monkeys living on Mount Ohira do not have to gibber (that's monkey talk) as high because the trees are low.
Researchers also conclude that their findings may be a clue to the origins of the human language.

Thinking further along this line of thinking, perhaps further research should be conducted to ascertain whether humans living in heavily wooded areas speak louder than those living in wide open spaces.

It's worth looking into - or hearing about!

DON'T THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?

I'm all for political correctness but sometimes it makes you wonder.

Seems the Havant Borough Council in Hampshire, which I believe is in the U.K. decided for some reason known only to them, that the term "Christmas" could/might/it's possible to offend non-Christians. This leads one to wonder whether anyone complained or was this unique decision a personal revelation? After all - this is the season of miracles of all sorts.
They replaced the term "Christmas" with "The Festival of Lights", which by the way is the English translation of Chanukah, a Jewish festive holiday that falls the same time as Christmas.
Seems that the Havant Borough Council has spent more than £5000 on Christmas - I mean - Festival of Lights, lights.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

BRITS HEAD TO FINLAND TO VISIT SANTA'S WORKSHOP

Problems, problems... Do they ever end?

According to a news report every year hordes of Brits head on over to Rovaniemi, Finland. Ever hear of the place? Me neither.

You would think logically that they must have some great sales over in Finland, right? Or perhaps they're offering a great smorgesbord?

Wrong!

Seems the big attraction in Rovaniemi is Santa's Workshop! Go figure!
They're estimating that departing planes will be filled to capacity and 90 percent of the Brits will be flying over southern Finland, causing one big traffic jam and a backlog of planes. How many planes? More than 25 planes per hour will be in Finnish air space en route to see the jolly old elf himself. In fact there is so much air traffic that it forces restriction on your regular-type flights over Norway.

This leads one to question as to why the Brits travel there in the first place. Is there no local workshop in the U.K.?

So many questions that require answers:
Where does Santa (or Father Christmas as he's known in the U.K.) make his toys? In his basement? Or perhaps he rents space?
What about the elves? How do they figure into this scenario? Where do they sleep and is their union aware of this exodus?
Has Queen Liz been informed that her royal and not-so-loyal subjects are spending their hard-earned cash in Finland, of all places?
Next thing you know, Walmart will be opening up in Rovaniemi!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

CHRISTMAS TREE OH CHRISTMAS TREE...

Is it just me or are there others "out there" who feel sorry for Christmas trees? There's something sad about towering fir trees cut down in the prime of what should be a long and healthy life span. Anyone who has seen pine or spruce trees growing in their natural state in the wilderness cannot but be awed. Of course they would look a whole lot better if they could also grow some ornaments but perhaps that's asking a bit much. In return for providing Christmas celebrants with a place in which to hang thingies on and gifts beneath, they spend the remaining life span in a trash can among discarded Christmas edibles like grandma's fruit cake and aspic. They deserve better.

On the other hand vinyl Christmas trees live forever. It's kind of creepy when you think about it. These sassy and perky wanna-be's come in shades to match your decorating scheme like silver, gold, yellow, lavender (lavendar), pink and of course, your basic green.

To get back to the real-tree or fake-tree issue or dilemma, Christmas trees as the name infers should last only during the Christmas period. However, the vinyl wanna-be's ingratiate themselves in celebrant's homes. It's like guests who come to visit but never leave and why not? They don't drop pine needles, their branches never droop and they don't even require water to keep them fresh. They're always the way nature intended or wanted them to be. How can a real fir compete? Here is something to think about: a ground up Christmas tree makes great compost. Hey - try and do that with your plastic version!

By the way is it holiday tree or Christmas tree? Or perhaps Chanukah Bush?

ZONING IN

After years of speculating as to the reasons why my garden didn't thrive, I believe that I may have the answer. Note the usage of the word "may", which is frequently followed by the terms could have, should have, would have, might have been since gardening is frequently a speculative undertaking at best. In fact the explanation is so obvious that I'm surprised it never dawned on me before now: I've been gardening in the wrong plant zone!

Go figure!

As a seasoned gardener I've never found the necessity to consult with the plant hardiness zone guide…I lie. To be honest and let's keep this between us, I'm not very good at reading maps…Actually, I can't read maps at all. South to me is Florida, out west is Texas, north is frigid cold, snow and sled dogs and east is more or less where we live.

"My heavens," or words to that effect, you're probably saying to yourself right now and shaking your head in utter astonishment and disbelief. "How can she call herself a gardener and not know in which area her plant zone is located?" Simple – I just never bothered to check for one reason or another. My philosophy has been a plant is a plant is…and popped in dirt along with fertilizer and a dose of water, it'll grow or produce something interesting and green. Now I find out that I've been living under a misconception.

This was brought to my attention recently during a cyber discussion with a plant person, while chatting about a new potential plant specie for next summer. Concerned as to whether it would "take" in my garden, the question arose as to in which hardiness zone our house was located. No one had ever asked this question before and my credibility faded as fast as a hosta planted in full sun.

"Does it make any difference?" I responded innocently, knowing darn well that it did.

The wonderful thing about the Internet is that it supplies information on just about everything a person needs to know about gardening, right at one's fingertips. Finding the plant hardiness zone map was simple enough but deciphering it was a whole other issue. What struck me was that visually, the map has a lot of eye appeal with pretty colors ranging from your earth tones of browns, beige and yellows, purple and soft lavender, lime to leaf green and for one reason or the other, an unimaginative dull black. There was also a zoom-in and zoom-out device presumably for verifying the exact location of the area in which a garden is located. According to the map my house is located in a light-ish green to mint-green area known as 5b…or maybe it could be 5a…it's a close call… At least we're in a region that's located in a decent color shade and one that's fashionably acceptable. Things like that are important to gardeners – alright – to me.

According to one Internet gardening source the average minimum temperature should not be the only factor taken into consideration, as to whether a plant will survive in a garden. Tell me something I don't know! For example we could have an area in our garden that deserves a higher rank due to variable climatic conditions, like shrubs protecting a corner of the garden. Thi In other words and in the end, it's all a guessing game anyway.

Now that I'm aware of my plant hardiness zone, I have a new excuse for my plants' failure to thrive. At least that's what I'll tell everyone.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

WELL OFFICER - I WAS JUST CUTTING THE GRASS, MOWER OR LESS

Talk about being unaware of the concept...

Sometimes - too many times - I wonder about the human brain's thought process, especially after a night of heavy drinking. Police in Illinois received a tip about a riding lawnmower that had been reported missing. Thinking further on this stolen item, how many people would report that their lawnmower was stolen, anyway, even a fancy one with a seat? Chances are (and I probably fall into this category) if my lawnmower was missing the first thought that would spring to mind is that I lent it to somebody at some point, who forgot to bring it back. Even IF it was stolen it's doubtful I would call the police and make a report. Jewelry yes. Lawnmower? Doubtful.

Anyway... Following up on the "tip" the police saw this guy riding accross a corn field on a lawnmower and took off after him in their police car. They went by the book identifying themselves as the law and called out for him to stop but instead the "perp" just took off. Examining this logically any (sober) person would immediately realize that a police car goes faster than a lawmower, ergo, give up the chase and call it a night.

But noooooo....

So the police officer got out of his car and just...jogged along side of the "mower man", warning him all the while to stop. The "mower man" finally agreed to stop when the police officers threatened to stun him with a Taser. The kicker to this tale of lawn fury or silliness is that the "mower man", who was out on parole and wore an ankle monitor, had a handwritten bill of sale. Unfortunately for the former owner and "mower man", the police haven't been able to trace down the owner. What a surprise.

Perhaps had "mower man" cut a few lawns of townsfolk while on his "night of the lawnmower" he might have been forgiven. It also makes you wonder who called in the "tip" to the police in the first place.

Friday, November 25, 2005

THE COLD TRUTH

It’s no coincidence that airline companies and travel agents place print and electronic ads promoting winter getaways to a warmer setting during severe cold spells. By and large, people don’t have to be sold on the idea of a short sojourn in the sun but the reality is that many of us spend the winter close to home base. This means being more or less dependent on the capricious nature of storm systems and the probability of them landing on our doorstep. An outdoorsy friend who is at one with nature in all four seasons, counsels everyone within listening range that the best way to deal with winter is not to fight it but to join in the fun. There are many words that spring to mind describing winter most of which can’t be printed in a family newspaper, but “fun” is definitely not on the list.

Foretelling the weather is chancy at the best of times and there is the tendency to blame the weather forecaster for an incorrect forecast. These days modern technology has progressed to point where meteorologists understand the formation of weather systems yet they still can’t with 100% certainty predict the weather from day-to-day. Television “weather presenters” standing in front of a map bandy about terms like stationary front and cold front to explain a sudden spell of unexpected adverse weather.

There is an abundance of weather-related sites on the Web offering a plethora of interesting weather-related information for anyone who wants an explanation for winter conditions. Important essentials that enquiring minds need (or want) to know about freezing rain for example, in that it freezes on impact and forms a coat of ice on the ground AND on the objects it strikes. Go figure! This is very important information for all of us who navigate un-salted and un-sanded sidewalks like a tightrope walker under the influence. Moreover, snow is composed of star-shaped hexagonal ice crystals. Can’t speak for others but it’s rare to see people waiting outdoors with magnifying glass in hand, to ascertain the molecular makeup of snow. It’s not so rare, however, to hear people curse out accumulated falling snow or a misdiagnosed weather forecast.

In the way of “I-didn’t-know-that!” information, there is a difference between snow pellets and snow grains. Snow pellets are brittle and easily crushed when they fall on hard ground, they bounce and often break up. Snow grains on the other hand are minute white and opaque grains of ice that do not bounce or shatter when they hit hard ground. This is the type of trivial fact to keep for special occasions to impress people.
“This looks to me like snow grains and not snow pellets,” a person with snow knowledge could opine, after bringing in a sample of snow taken from outside, indoors. “Notice how it doesn’t break up when dropped on this beautiful, expensive and imported Indian rug. It merely leaves a big mark.”

As a matter of interest Environment Canada has introduced a new wind chill index for Canadians, people who know about snow and cold, based on the way the human body loses heat in the cold. So the new method signifies how the temperature would feel on skin if the wind were reduced to a walking pace of 4.8 km/h. Let’s say if the outside temperature is minus ten Celsius and the wind chill factor is minus twenty, an exposed face would feel as cold as it would on a calm day when the temperature is minus twenty Celsius. Logically when the temperature drops to this level we should be bundling up with warm head coverings and scarves to avoid frostbite. However, logic and fashion don’t mix and many pedestrians – me among them – shun headwear in fear of being left with the dreaded “soup bowl” look upon removal of a hat.

According to another source it could be (notice how the word “could” is featured prominently in forecasting?) colder than normal this winter due to cold Arctic air. In other words - same old, same old. Meanwhile word has it that there’s a great seat sale for a Florida escape. Where else would we get to see our neighbours during winter?

Saturday, November 19, 2005

A Flushing Success

By Eleanor Tylbor

Chances are this went by unnoticed by most people but there are people who feel the necessity to organize a World Toilet Day. Toilets as a rule are taken for granted as a means to (or for) an end and few of us experience a flush of excitement answering nature’s call. However in some circles it’s an important issue worthy of a summit and further exploration.

For the uninformed World Toilet Day takes place every year on November 19. The aim of establishing this special day is to encourage people to take action and increase the awareness of the rights of toilet users to a better environment. Furthermore according to information gleaned on this fascinating subject on the Internet the powers-that-be behind (or in front depending on the user) hope to get all toilet users involved and practice toilet etiquette. Presumably this would include washing hands with soap for as long as it takes to sing one chorus of "Mary had a little lamb..." and then waiting politely with dripping wet hands until a hand dryer is free.

Two years ago a World Toilet Expo and Forum sponsored by the World Toilet Organization was held in Beijing, China, and attended by delegates from around the world to discuss…toilet-related issues. A non-profit group comprised of seventeen members from all over the globe, The World Toilet Organization’s objectives include among others:

- establish a world body to coordinate and promote sanitation issues
- to continuously generate awareness for the importance of good toilet environment-
- provide and promote a community of all toilet associations, related organizations and individuals to facilitate an exchange of ideas, health and cultural matters

The group puts out a fact sheet and there is some interesting data worth noting like “the female visits the toilet three times longer than the male.” This begs the question as to how this statistic was obtained. Were there ‘WTO’ volunteers stationed outside public bathrooms with hand-held counting devices, monitoring women and men entering and leaving the bathrooms?

There has also been some toilet-related research carried out. For example, again something difficult to prove is an average person visits the toilet – wait for it – 2500 times a year. The conclusion was although no formula is provided to back up this statistic that people spend approximately three years of our lives in the toilet. One wonders whether refreshing makeup, combing hair or staring into a mirror and/or checking teeth, factored into the final equation.

As a person who has used public toilets while travelling, there are some interesting differences worth noting. I’m the type of traveller that judges the civility of a country by its bathrooms. Some of the higher end hotels feature automated devices that dispense toilet paper to cover the seat surface. Once the user stands up the previous cover disappears…somewhere, and a new one rolls out ready for use. Still other toilets feature a sensor device that flushes automatically without ever having to push or pull a handle. Then those are bathrooms where an attendant waits to hand post-toilet users a real cotton towel. I've lined up to use facilities in high end concert halls where talking is hushed and flushing is relegated to an unobtrusive whoosh. In Cannes the line up to use a cubicle on the beach required a 10 minute wait only to discover that I didn't have change to pay the attendant.

For those interested in taking toilets to a higher level the World Toilet College (WTC) has been established to respond to the needs of creating an independent world body to ensure that the standards of toilet design, cleanliness, maintenance, quality of work and sanitation technologies are met. Among the courses offered are restroom design, restroom special training and an ecological sanitation course.Can’t speak for others but I’ve already put aside November 19 in order to mark next year’s World Toilet Day. I’m already experiencing the urge to go.