Brits suffer cookie injuries

Why anyone would want a survey focusing on cookie accidents is puzzling but then this story comes from England, where scientists produce some very "interesting" studies.

According to a new survey written up in the Daily Telegraph, more than half of all Britons have been injured by biscuits. You read it right: good, old cookies. We're not talking anything physical like angry tea drinkers tossing biscuits at each other. Britons are a civilized lot and would never deem to such actions. It appears that an estimated 25 million adults have been injured while dunking their biscuits or breaking a tooth. Go figure that dunking a biscuit could be dangerous but I digress. What's more, 500 people have actually gone to the hospital as a result of their injury.

"Well doctor – I was dunking my chocolate biscuit in my tea, not realizing that the water was scalding hot and burned my lip," a tea drinker might offer in the way of an explanation. Or "well doctor - I was digesting the remnants of my vanilla cream, my favorite biscuit and suddenly some crumbs got caught in my throat. I choked so much that my dog, Cedric, became alarmed and barked, which alerted my wife, Priscilla, who gave me CPR. Unfortunately, she broke a few ribs not knowing that the problem area was my throat."

It seems that custard creams are deemed the most dangerous risk at 5.63 according to The Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation. Does this group really exist and if so, why haven't North American companies been using their services? Jaffa cakes on the other hand, are rates the safest biscuits at 1.16. This important stuff we all should know!

Research company, Mindlab International were commissioned by Rocky, a chocolate biscuit bar, to conduct the research. So this begs the question as to why Rocky would pay a company to rate biscuits, period.

According to the results, it found almost a third of adults said they had been splashed or scalded by hot drinks while dunking or trying to fish the remnants of a collapsed digestive. Presumably, "fish the remnants" can be interpreted as inserting one's forefinger down one's throat in an attempt to dislodge a stuck piece. It also revealed 28 per cent had choked on crumbs while one in 10 had broken a tooth or filling biting a biscuit.

Now here's the big reveal: three per cent had poked themselves in the eye with a biscuit and seven per cent bitten by a pet or "other wild animal" trying to get their biscuit.

And you thought cookies were a safe food.