Saturday, December 29, 2007

BRITNEY, ADNAN AND A HOROSCOPE PREDICTION FOR BRIT

Eeny....meeny....minee...mo...

Out for a night of...whatever, Britney Spears recently selected LA paparazzo, Adnan Ghalib, to accompany her for a heart-to-heart talk about life/whatever in a hotel room. Now Ghalib is singing his own tune in an interview to explain what went on between the couple.

"I think, God's honest truth, I think she's a great person. I really do," Ghalib said. "She's young. … She's never made the best choices in friends, even her relationships."

To say the least.

Read the rest of what Brit-Brit-'s new "friend" had to reveal in an interview with ABC news here:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=4056475&page=1


Now what about Brit-Brit's future?

According to astrologer, Susan Miller, Britney's future mate will be "very financial, practical and stable. He'll be 7 years older and will know how to handle money - a manager-type."

Miller also said that Spears' 'bank account is going to explode with money' in the second half of 2008, the result of either recording a new album or other residuals. Jamie Lynn, who announced her pregnancy on Dec. 19, is a budding star, according to Miller.

"Her career is going to take off like a rocket next year! It'll never be better in her whole life," she said.The astrologer further said that Jamie Lynn's Aries sign shows that she's a 'good entertainer, a budding star.'"She's more of a musician. There's someone standing right behind her," she added.

Yeah...whatever.

I'll look into my own crystal ball and predict that in the next few days, Britney will be driving her car in places where she knows she will be photographed and the crystal also reveals paparazzi trailing close behind. Furthermore...she will visit the bathroom on more than one occasion.

Read the rest of Miller's fear(ful)less prediction here: http://www.thecheers.org/news/Celebrity/news_5467_What-the-stars-hold-for-Britney-Spears-Jamie-Lynn-and-Lynne-Spears-revealed.html

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Paris will be poor...or at least 97% poorer


Oh dear. Seems that grandpa Hilton is very embarrassed by his granddaughter, Paris's behavior. You know - clubbing, drinking, sleeping around - the usual stuff that bored, rich heiresses do. To show his displeasure he has committed 97% of his fortune to a charitable foundation. Even then, I'm sure, the next generation of Hiltons has mucho money in their own right salted away somewhere where the tax people can't/won't ever find it.

As for Paris... Whatever happened to her self-proclaimed "I-see-the-light" change of consciousness that she had in jail? Did I say jail? You know that place where she was inconvenienced for a few days and didn't have access to the important things in her life like shopping, night clubs, jetting from country-to-country, posing for magazine covers. Those things. I mean, jail being so tacky and having to wear that vile orange-colored jump suit, she needed something substantial to cling to and found solace in the Bible. Not that there's anything wrong with that and the Good Book has a lot of good advice. Paris being Paris, the new-found spiritual enlightenment lasted maybe a month and then it was on to what Paris does best: clubbing and getting paid to show up at parties.

We all remember how she pledged to make our planet a better place and vowed upon her release to help the less fortunate around the world. Course 'less fortunate' in Paris's mind could have been people who didn't know how to coordinate their clothes properly. Somebody has to tell them!

Anyway, when asked for comments about her grandfather's decision, she hasn't as yet said anything. And when and if she does, for sure it will be something really important like, "did I tell you all about my new line of perfume?" Or "do you know anybody that wants to be my boyfriend?"

Good for Grandpa Hilton!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US WHO REMEMBER

Oh darn! Somehow I missed celebrating Festivus by just one day. To top it all off I forgot to send out reminders to my enemies as well as friends that I could be planning but not necessarily, throw a celebration to mark the day.


According to Wikipedia, Festivus is an annual holiday that was adapted from ancient Roman practices by writer and editor, Daniel O'Keefe and was introduced to the world by O'Keefe's son, Daniel, a scriptwriter for Seinfeld on December 18, 1997 in the episode, "The Strike." The rest as they say is history and now Festivus is celebrated on December 23.


So if I had gone through with my plans to throw a Festivus gala, for sure I would have "The Festivus Pole" with the essential ingredient being a piece of dull metal. I'm thinking here I would have used the bottom half of my patio umbrella that became separated from the top part, on a windy day. I mean, it's a little dented at the bottom but it would be the perfect thing for combining it with the Feats of Strength challenge, whereby two opponents could try and bend it with one hand tied behind their backs, culminating in one being thrown to the ground. For another type of strength test, a Toothpick Challenge featuring participants attempting to see how many toothpicks can be inserted between teeth, would have been a fun diversion. There could be a few splinters on lips but it's a small price to be able to claim participation in a Festivus activity. Of course the very exciting knuckle-crunching challenge would be held to see who could make the loudest noise.

Once everyone is thoroughly exhausted, we would have sat down and partaken in the Airing of Grievances. For sure there would probably be a lot of finger-pointing and accusations and some swearing would be involved but in the end, we'd all feel better. Maybe some of us wouldn't be speaking to each other but we would air our grievances and that's what's important, here.

In the way of a Festivus menu for sure green been casserole would have been served, along with yellow aspic for some coordinating color. There would be grilled cheese sandwiches for the main dish and for dessert, Festivus fruit cake of course.

Alas...it will all have to wait until next year, that is if I remember to send out invitations. Maybe.

Monday, December 24, 2007

MAN SUES 8 YEAR OLD SKIER FOR BUMPING INTO HIM

What is it with people that they will use any incident in an attempt to get money for any boo-boo? In this case it concerns a 60 year old man suing an 8 year old boy.

A 60-year-old man is taking an 8-year-old boy and his dad to court, claiming the boy caused a ski-slope collision that left the older man with a shoulder injury.

David J. Pfahler of Allentown, Pa., sued in federal court in Denver, claiming Scott Swimm, then 7, was skiing fast and recklessly when they collided in January, the Vail Daily reported Thursday. The suit claims Pfahler suffered a torn shoulder tendon and seeks compensation for physical therapy, vacation time, nursing and medical services provided by Pfahler's wife, and other expenses. It estimates the couple's losses at more than $75,000.

We're talking about a then 7 year old kid, here, who wants nothing more than to spend a fun day on the slopes.

Scott's father, Robb Swimm, said that he saw the crash and that Scott was skiing slowly and in control.

"It wasn't a violent collision or anything; Scott just kind of tapped his ski boots," he said this week.

Scott's mother, Susan Swimm, said her son weighs 48 pounds and couldn't have been going more than 10 mph. By the way Scott is in the third grade.

"Who in the world sues a child?" she said. "It just boggles my mind every day."

Amen Mrs. Swimm!

Pfahler's Denver attorney, Jim Chalat, declined to comment on specifics but says Pfahler, who works for Reader's Digest, wants to go back to work.

Bah-humbug to Mr. Phafler!


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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

ITALIAN COURT RULES CHILD CAN'T BE CALLED FRIDAY

This is one for the it-makes-you-wonder-about-parents department and what they name their offspring.

In Italy, a couple was told that legally they couldn't name their son - wait for it - "Friday" and instead, ordered that he be called Gregory after the saint whose feast day he was born on.

Friday??? Who would name their child...after a day in the week, anyway?

"I think it is ridiculous they even opened a case about it," the family's lawyer, Paola Rossi, told Reuters by telephone from the northern city of Genoa on Tuesday.

The child, Friday/Gregory Germano was born in Genoa 15 months ago. The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptised him as Friday -- unusual in Italy since many priests insist that first names be of Christian origin.

"We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name. Even if it would have been a girl, we would have named her Friday," the boy's mother, Mara Germano, told Reuters.

Can you imagine the life of ridicule a child would or could face given the name of a day of the week?

"Oh Friday - where's Saturday?" springs to mind followed by other days of the week.

When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children.

The tribunal said it was protecting the child from being the butt of jokes and added that it believed the name would hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships".

The Germano family appealed but lost their case this month and the story was carried on the front page of a national newspaper on Tuesday.When ordered to change the name, the parents refused and the court ruled the boy would be legally registered as Gregory because he was born on that saint's feast day.

"I really doubt this would have happened to the child of parents who are rich and famous," the boy's mother told Reuters, recalling that some famous Italians had given their children unorthodox names such as "Ocean" or "Chanel".

The appeals court ruled against Friday because it recalled the servile savage in Daniel Defoe's novel Robinson Crusoe and because superstitious Italians consider Friday an unlucky day."I am livid about this," the boy's mother said. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about."My son was born Friday, baptised Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory," she said.

Basically, it comes down to whether or not the court has/had the right to tell parents what they can or cannot name their children. However, it makes you wonder what (if any) they will name subsequent children.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

...NOTHING BUT THE TWOOTH...

Word going round is that Tweety, the famous bird who sings like a canary and the scoorge of Sylvester the cat, is all nervous and a-twitter these days. Seems that the bird along with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and his girlfriend, Daisy Duck - if you can believe it - were supposed to testify in a counterfeiting case. The famous duck couple were known to be all quacked up about having to testify under oath.

An Italian court ordered the animated bird, along with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and his girlfriend Daisy, to testify in a counterfeiting case. Although the 'toon trio were sent summons ordering them to testify on Friday in a trial in Naples, Italy, it's a clerical error.

Oh shoot! That would have been some testimony!

The court summons cites Titti, Paperino, Paperina, Topolino, the Italian names for the characters, as damaged parties in the criminal trial of a Chinese man accused of counterfeiting products of Disney and Warner Bros.

Instead of naming merely the companies and their legal representatives, clerks also listed the cartoon names, which decorate the toys and gadgets the man had reproduced.

According to Fiorenza Sorotto, vice president of Disney Company Italia, the characters won't be able to show up or testify.

Then again, if the cat got word that the bird was out of the cage, he could make his move against the bird. It would be the purrrrfect opportunity.

"It certainly pleased us that the characters were considered real, because that's what we try to do," Sorotto commented.

The Naples court will have to rewrite the summons, although this will probably delay the trial, said Disney lawyer Cristina Ravelli.

"Let's hope the characters will not be prosecuted for failing to appear," Ravelli quipped.

Calls seeking comment from Warner Bros. in Milan were not immediately returned. Phones at the Naples court were not answered Tuesday, however, when informed that she/he wouldn't be testifying, Tweety breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Good 'cause I tought I taw a puddy cat!"

Mickey, Donald and Daisy couldn't be reached for comment since it was nap time at the Toon Retirement Home.

Monday, December 10, 2007

So just where do Santa's reindeers live in off-season?

We all know where Santa lives in a comfy warm house along with Mrs. Claus, some elves and other assorted helpers, in the North Pole all year round. However, ever wonder where Santa's reindeer live? Also, just what specie of reindeer are these magical creatures, anyway?

The Alaska Fish and Game have the answers to this question in addition and other Santa related issues.

For example, in the "General Description and Differences Between Subspecies category, "among the common subspecies of reindeer, the largest bulls shed their antlers in late October and the small bulls and non-pregnant cows shed their antlers in April.

It is not known when or if Santa’s reindeer shed their antlers. We do know, from a few furtive sightings, that their antlers appear to be extremely velvety and robust in late December prior to their Christmas run. Santa’s reindeer also have the unique and remarkable ability to fly. The Claus’ have helped to further develop and condition this ability enabling them to fly great distances in a very short time period, provided they receive frequent carrot snacks."

Bet you didn't know that!

Anyway, there's a beautiful photographic image of Rudolph - the Rudoph:

http://www.adfg.state.ak.us/pubs/notebook/biggame/santasreindeer.php

FEELING CHILLY? TRY THE HEATED BRA!

Women living in cold climates or at least climates that experience winter for a good portion of the year, might welcome this new innovation or some would call it, gadget.

A leading lingerie company has joined Japan's fight against high fuel use, unveiling a heated bra for winter.

You read it right: a heated bra to keep your breasts nice and warm and cozy. Now how this fits into the big picture of fighting global warming is somewhat questionable.

The fluffy creation contains special pads filled with an eco-friendly gel that can be easily heated in a microwave oven or with a hot water bottle. The design also includes a furry boa designed to double as a winter scarf.

Lingerie giant Triumph unveiled the bra months after PM Junichiro Koizumi urged Japan's office workers to ditch ties to save on air conditioning.

Being padded, the new bra packs a little more bulk than most regular designs, but the Japanese arm of Triumph insisted the look was more chic than sheep.

Sheep?

"We hope this will not only help prevent global warming but also provide a little fashion chic to the office," the company said in a statement.

The bra, which comes only in white, also features a pendant shaped like a chili pepper dangling on its front.

Only in white? How unfashionable! And a chili pepper? The siginifigance one presumes is that the bra provides enough heat as when consuming a chili pepper. Or something similar... I dunno!

The boob warmer also comes with matching shorts but is not being offered for general sale and the two pieces are being promoted as a prototype product, the first step towards mass-producing eco-friendly clothing.

Japan's government is encouraging people not to set their domestic heating higher than 20C this winter, to reduce fuel consumption and conserve energy stocks.

During the summer, Mr Koizumi surprised Japan's traditionally well-dressed office workers by discarding his tie and urging his countrymen to do the same.

Just wondering how discarding a tie will help the environment. Perhaps it's a small effort to keep cool. Go know!

The drive to reduce air-conditioning use and thus greenhouse gas emissions was estimated to have saved enough power to supply 240,000 homes for a month.

Somehow and maybe it's just me but a bra that is heated in a microwave makes me a little nervous.

See a photo of the bra here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4420820.stm

For some interesting and fun postings on a variety of subjects, drop by the:

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Sunday, December 09, 2007

ADAM SANDLER EXPRESSES HIS VIEW OF CHANUKAH IN SONG

For many Jews the holiday of Chanukah is the lighting of candles - 1 candle per day for 8 days - in a Chanukah menorah or candelabra and the playing of the dreidel game. It is also some good eating... Actually, many of Jewish-related activities includes food... Anyway, we're talking here about latkes or fried potato pancakes, jelly donuts(sufganiot)and other goodies.

However...if you wanna know what Chanukah is really about, watch this YouTube video with Adam Sandler and chorus. Enjoy - I do! Fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUFrt8oHbXQ&feature=related

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

PASSING GAS A NO-NO AT SOCIAL CLUB

Given all the serious problems in the world, this is really one for the "don't-they-have-anything-better-to-do" books.

A 77 year old pensioner no less, has been banned from his social club in Devon, England for passing gass or breaking wind as they say in jolly, old England. Here among friends we would say, he farted.

The victim/gas-ee, Maurice Fox, received a letter from the Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Panignton, advising him to consider his action, which club members believed was "disgusting."

Mr Fox said that the club letter was a surprise. I bet.

All of us at some time or the other have - well - passed gass unwillingly for various reasons. True it's not pleasant but it's a bodily function that we have no control over.

A club member for 20 years, Fox said, "I am happy to oblige them, there is no problem. I do get a bit windy - I am an old fart now."

He admitted to having to leave the club about three times a night.

In its letter,the club said: "After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors. You sit close to the front door, so would you please go outside when required. So please take heed of this request."

Presumably, he is expected to leave the room if he feels that a fart is on the way. Thing is it's difficult as many people will attest, to be able to differentiate a fart from just plain stomach rumbling.

Mr Fox, who lives nearby, said the letter was a surprise because he had been given no verbal warning.

He commented in his defence that although he makes a lot of noise, there is no odor.

"I think someone has complained about the noise. I am a loud farter, but there is no smell. I do not think it [the letter] is unreasonable. You get ladies in there."

Mr Fox also spends two days a week at the nearby Palace Place club, but said he had no complaints about flatulence there.

The club said there was no one available for comment.

Other than a social faux-pas, he hasn't committed anything that deserves being banned.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/devon/7126973.stm

Friday, November 16, 2007

FLUSHED WITH EXCITEMENT - HAPPY WORLD'S TOILET DAY!

To some people the date November 19 is nothing out of the ordinary other than perhaps preparing for the annual Thanksgiving Day feast and a day of football...football...football for those of us who resent the fact that our favorite soaps are pre-emptied.

However...we would be remiss if we let this day pass without noting that it's...

WORLD TOILET DAY!!!

This is the one day of the year set aside to think about toilet issues. In recognition of the importance of toilets in our lives, a chain of restaurants in Taiwan have chosen toilets as their decorating theme. Why anyone would choose this symbol is a question worth pondering...

The seats in the [b]Modern Toilet[/b] restaurants are toilet shaped. I mean...imagine sitting to have a sandwich or whatever on a toilet! It begs the question or at least thought as to whether the seat is up or down. Why oh why would this be appealing to people, anyway? Napkins are dispensed on toilet rolls placed on tables.

Food containers are toilet or sinks and - um - the food is made to look like human waste. Again, why-oh-why would anyone choose a place that serves food to resemble doo-doo? Toilet issues, perhaps? I dunno!

http://www.cwwa.ca/internationalwaterdays_e.asp#toilet

http://news.yahoo.com/photo/071113/photos_ts/2007_11_13t163918_450x320_us_food_taiwan_toilet

http://news.yahoo.com/photos/ss/events/lf/111407moderntoilet/im:/071113/photos_ts/2007_11_13t163802_450x301_us_food_taiwan_toilet

Happy World's Toilet Day, everyone!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Santas' told to "ha-ha-ha" instead of "ho-ho-ho" - political correctness gone awry!

If ever there was/is a "Gimme a Break" story - this is it.

Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Santa's traditional "ho-ho-ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women. Only "ha-ha-ha" will do.

Say what??????????????????????????????

You read it right! That jolly old elf himself, Santa Claus has been told not to "ho-ho-ho" when doing a fly over Australia.

One disgruntled Santa told a newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho-ho-ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

Plllleeeze!

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho-ho-ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she said when interviewed by a newspaper.

"Leave Santa alone."

Amen to that!

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

A more scary aspect of this is if the idea spreads outside Australia and Santas around the world will be allowed to ha-ha-ha only. Talk about PC gone awry!


More related articles:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22761386-2,00.html

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22736835-662,00.html

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

GHOSTLY APPEARANCE IN OHIO GAS STATION

Halloween is over but perhaps some ghosts aren't aware of this fact...or they want to linger for a while. Whatever...a gas station owner in Ohio is more than a little bit nervous about a grey-ish/blue-ish smokey apparition that was caught on his serveillance camera. The image, which has drawn attention to his gas station and more than likely resulted in a ka-chink-ka-chink increase in gas sales, is open to interpretation.

A new urban legend is born: the Ghostly Gas Station Visitor. Comments anyone?

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/11/14/lai.gas.ghost.woio

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

BRITS HAVE SILLY LAWS IN THEIR BOOKS

There are laws... and there there are silly laws, which make you shake your head in wonderment. Most if not all of them fall into the humor and weird department.

It certainly could be said or written that Britain has some really "interesting" or perplexing laws in their books.

- It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (those feeling impending death should drag themselves outside or face the full force of the law)

- It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (no mention of side-ways).

- In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

- Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day

- In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter

- A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet

- The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen (and I'm sure the Queen has a vast collection of whale tails that she flips through, frequently)

- It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing ("my but you're wearing a beautiful suit/outfit, today!")

- It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour (unless there's a particularly hot topic under debate, perhaps)

- In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (doesn't everyone carry bow and arrows on their person these days?)

No mention of the fines imposed on disobeying the rules.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071106/od_afp/britainlawsoffbeat


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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

TOILET EQUALITY OF THE SEXES

Being that November 19th, World Toilet Day, is almost upon (or beneath) us, couldn't help but note this news item. After all - using the toilet is part of our daily life. Right?

Seems that public bathrooms are an uncommon source of controversy with experts arguing over how their usage can avoid discrimination by class or sex.

Actually I have to confess it never entered my mind as to using the toilet being a discriminating act but then go know...

"In the USA, but also in many other parts of the world - including India ... issues having to do with human waste are taboo from public discussion. It is a last frontier," said Harvey Molotch, a professor of cultural analysis at New York University (NYU).

To be honest it's not a topic most likely many of us think about. Write about, however...

At a conference in New York City organised by NYU and the New York Architecture Centre, architects, sociologists, designers, activists, health officials and city leaders have gathered to discuss how the toilets of the future might be overhauled, and debate the potential civic and social effects.

The conference also saw the premiere of the film "Q2P", written and directed by India's Paromita Vohra.

The documentary, filmed in Mumbai with its title an abbreviation of "queue to pee," takes a long look - 55 minutes worth - at public facilities. The film depicts who uses public toilets including sexual, social and even caste nuances.

One (me) wonders the methodology used and who actually held the camera and whether or not said person(s) entered the hallowed internal world of the bathroom and/or stall.

The conference, "Outing the water closet," according to NYU, aims to reconsider and rebuild the public toilet.

Oh? Now bathrooms are being..."outed"? What were they before one wonders...

Parallel to the gathering in New York, some 170 delegates from dozens of countries were attending in India another international conference on access to bathrooms.

Non-governmental groups such as the German Toilet Organisation were to press their campaign for a universal right to clean lavatories, especially for women.

"Access to appropriate sanitation is a human right," reads one of the group's slogans. "It's time to break the 'toilet taboo'."

"This silence disables everyone to some degree, but particularly certain groups - women most clearly," Mr Molotch said of the taboos on discussing the issue in some countries.


http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/11/05/2081379.htm

Monday, November 05, 2007

MAD (VERY) COW OUTBREAK; PIG ABUSE...ANIMAL TALES

OWNER ACCUSES PET SITTER OF SWINE ABUSE

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!Perhaps - just perhaps - this is a case for going on a diet!

After asking a friend to take care of her pot-bellied pig while on medical leave, the owner of said pig wants to file abuse charges against the pet sitter. Seems that her pig who she named, Alaina Templeton's (interesting name for a pig) weight tripled while under the care of her friend or pet sitter. Her BPS (before pet sitter) weight was 22.5kg and nine months later the pig weighed in at 68kg and it took 4 hours to surgically remove the collar. Police are investigating whether Alaina Templeton was indeed the victim of abuse by neglect or over-feeding.

"That pig is my life," said the pig's owner, who has a tattoo of Alaina's name.

I dunno! Given the amount of people in the world who suffer from physical and/or psychological abuse in this world... Makes you wonder...

http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid=609&id=1739662007

*************************************************************************************

MAD (VERY) COW OUTBREAK

So a police officer in Sussex, England, has been hospitalized after being attacked by gang members. The members being particularly physical, butted and stamped on him while out walking his dog. Did I mention that the participants were a herd of 50 cows?

The officer, Inspector Chris Poole, received 4 broken ribs and a punctured lung as a result of the normally docile animals sudden urge to charge him. One angry cow charged him in the back forcing him to the ground, before the others members of the herd joined in.

Inspector Poole said he only managed to escape when Zak, his faithful golden retriever, ran away and the cows chased after it. Inspector Poole then managed to attract the attention of another dog walker, who called for an air ambulance.

However, this wasn't the end of his ordeal.

Three days later, while still in hospital, one of his broken ribs shifted out of place and severed an artery. Fortunately, this was detected in time or he might have died.

In warning other walkers, Inspector Poole advised walkers to give all cows a wide berth in future.

The RSPCA said cows could become protective of their young to the point of becoming aggressive, especially if a large dog was nearby.
Web links

http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid=609&id=1735302007


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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

WOMAN SWEARS AT TOILET AND GETS ARRESTED

There are times especially in trying circumstances, when yelling obscenities is the only means in which to vent one's frustrations. Frequently, the recipient of the obscenities can be an inanimate object, in which case it's merely a one-sided swearing situation with no one being hurt. Perhaps but not always.

Take the case of this woman who lives in Pennsylvania that is facing a jail sentence for shouting profanities at her over-flowing toilet. You read it right.

The female in question, one Dawn Herb, was in her own home in West Scranton when a neighbor who just happened to be a police officer by chance, heard her swearing through an open window. He responded by asking her to "keep it down" and when she continued her tirade, his police colleagues were called out and believe it or not, she was charged with disorderly conduct. She is now facing up to - wait for it - 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300.

I mean - c'mon! Gimme a break! First of all the lady...female was in the privacy of her own home. It wasn't as if the recipient of her verbal abuse was alive or anything. We're talking here about a toilet that backed up with water over-flowing on to the floor! Logically and perhaps this is the wrong term to use in this case, who was hurt? More to the point did the swearing affect the flow of the water one way or the other?

I think not!

There is no information available as to the price of a plumber to fix the situation, which would be added to that of her fine. All-in-all, it must have been a very trying experience for her. There is also no information whether the errant toilet was bought on sale. Not that it makes any difference...


http://www.sparkweekly.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071016/NEWS/71016036

http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=bizarre&id=5709833


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Friday, October 05, 2007

AND THE WINNERS ARE (AMONG OTHER) HOW TO EXTRACT VANILLA FROM COW DUNG

It brings a tear to the eyes - at least the prize handed out to Mayu Yamamoto, from Japan, who developed a method to extract vanilla fragrance and flavoring from cow dung. This is something the world has been waiting for!

The prize is among other - how shall we say - unusual awards known as the Ig Nobel Prize handed out by the Annals of Improbable Research in their ongoing quest to “celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative — and spur people’s interest in science, medicine and technology.”

O-kay. We'll drink to that. Actually, maybe not.

Among the other prize winners was a team at Quilmes National University in Argentina, who took home the honors in the aviation category for finding that - wait for it - hamsters given Viagra needed 50% less time to recover from a six-hour time zone change. This vital information should be of great interest to rodents that fly the friendly skies. I mean...really.

In the medical sphere, the prize for medicine went to radiologist Brian Witcombe at Gloucestershire Royal NHS foundation trust for his study of the vocational risks of sword swallowing Moreover, “sore throats - ’sword throats’ - occur when swallowers are learning, when performances are repeated frequently, or when odd-shaped or multiple swords are used,” he concluded. This conclusion is all the more interesting given the means in which they arrived at this. Who were the subjects and what were they given to partake in this experiment? Equally fascinating, are they still alive and what did they do with the leftover swords?

Juan Manuel Toro, Josep Trobalon and Núria Sebastián-Gallés, of Barcelona University, collected the linguistics Ig Nobel for showing that rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards (but only sometimes!). Now this begs the question as to how the researchers actually found rats that understood Japanese AND Dutch and then determining if they could distinguish the difference when speaking Japanese and Dutch backwards/forwards... Oh who cares anyway!

Back state-side, the U.S. Air Force’s Wright Laboratory in Ohio took the peace prize for its 1994 research into a “gay bomb” that could deploy a chemical substance that would turn the enemy’s front lines into an orgy. Unlike most of the other winners, no one from the lab showed up for the presentation. Perhaps they were other-wise occupied one ponders?

The Biology honors went to Dr. Johanna van Bronswijk of the Netherlands for carrying out a census of all of the mites, insects, spiders, ferns and fungi that share our beds. No mention of numbers acquired in the mite research, which could be a good or bad sign. Then again there could have been duplication given their propensity to jump around. Was this research conducted world-wide or locally?

Now in as far as Economics go, here is something that has some merit or at least logic. Kuo Cheng Hsieh of Taiwan presumably patented a device that can catch bank robbers by dropping a net over them. Oh the inventiveness of this device!

Can't wait for next year's prizes. Got any ideas?

Writers & Friends
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

STATE SENATOR SUES GOD

O-kay... let's see what we have here... A state senator is suing - wait for it - God. The God.

The senator in question, Sen. Ernie Chambers actually started the proceedings against God last week, claiming that he is trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere. Furthermore, in his lawsuit, Chambers goes on to claim that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Surrrrre. Of course...

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

Read it here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/18/national/main3271308.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._3271308

It will be interesting to see if the accused will respond to the lawsuit and whether or not a search warrant will be issued if he doesn't show up for trial...if it goes to trial.

Writers & Friends
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Sunday, September 16, 2007

A FISH TALE WITH A HAPPY ENDING

So y'see...as it is in life, there was this male salmon who met a female salmon and they got along really well. So well that they decided they wanted to start a family but after a while and no eggs to speak of, they did what many human-types did: they found a surrogate parent...fish.

Researchers in Japan have put a new spin on surrogate parenting having engineered one fish species to produce another to preserve endangered fish. Scientists in Idaho are continuing this concept in an attempt to produce a sockeye salmon, highly endangered in the state, but using trout as surrogate parents.

Those first experiments, funded by a Japanese research institute, used still fairly plentiful species to develop the technique. Now comes Idaho's attempt to prove if the method is really useful in trying to produce the endangered sockeye salmon.

Last January, YoshiGoro Yoshizaki, a Tokyo University marine scientist who is leading the research helped University of Idaho scientists collect and freeze immature sperm tissue from young sockeye salmon being raised at a state-run hatchery. Next month, he'll be back to help thaw the tissue and implant it into sterile rainbow trout.

In Japan, Yoshizaki is focused on bluefin tuna, noting that standard "marine ranching" techniques are difficult for tuna that can reach man-size.

He has begun experiments into how to produce baby tuna from mackerel, which are nearly a thousand times smaller than adult tuna. If it works, "we can save space, cost and labor," he predicted in an e-mail interview.

Read about the entire cut-and-implant process here:

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=0058EF3E-E7F2-99DF-3C2EC5A22E22A477&chanID=sa007

I dunno. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature... I mean, at some point down the line, a trout just may receive the unexpected (and traumatic) news that his mama was a salmon. Or a tuna may discover it has mackeral-ish tendencies. Who knows where all of this can lead...


Writers & Friends
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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

HOLD THE SALT

If ever there was a news item that fit into this category - this is it. I mean - c'mon - gimme a break!

Get this... An employee who works for McDonalds, ended up spending the night in jail and what's more is facing criminal charges for - wait for it - a police officer's burger was too salty! What's more the cop is claiming that it made him sick. Some would say that fast food in general sometimes has that effect on people but I digress.

The McDonald's server was arrested last Friday and charged with misdemeanor reckless conduct and freed on a $1000 bail.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-09-09-mcdonaldsburger_N.htm

In the way of an explanation the McD's server admits to accidentally spilling some salt on hamburger meat and informed her supervisior and a co-worker, who handled the problem by trying to remove the salt by "thumping it" whatever that entails.

Read the salty details here: http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-09-09-mcdonaldsburger_N.htm

Next thing you know somebody is going to claim that ketchup served was too tomato-y or the fries were the wrong color or the coffee was to hot... Hang on - somebody already sued for that. I mean, really...

Sunday, September 09, 2007

PLANTS (MAY) LIKE CLASSICAL MUSIC

I knew it all along! Better be careful what you say in front of your house plant. Seems that scientists believe they have found "a set of sound-responsive genes in plants" in what other experts said would be an astonishing finding.

Astonishing maybe. Surprising not really according to an article focusing on this subject.

Plants are known to respond to light, temperature, touch and vibration, and the South Korean team, led by Dr Mi-Jeong Jeong, decided to investigate whether they could also respond to sound in some way.

They played classical music, such as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Clair de Lune by Debussy and Winter from Vivaldi's Four Seasons, to a rice crop. The plants appeared unmoved.

Perhaps - just speculation now - rice prefers rock music...or even elevator-music-type stuff.

However, when single notes were played, the scientists noticed an effect on two genes known to respond to light, New Scientist magazine reports today. These became more active when exposed to a high-pitched sound and less active when a low one was played.

"As far as we know, this is the first report of characterisation of plant sound-responsive genes."
This might cast a different light on the comment by the Prince of Wales, who reportedly told a television interviewer in the mid-1980s: "I just come and talk to the plants, really. It's very important to talk. They respond, don't they?"

So the future King of England talks to plants so there has to be something to it. No? Then again, some people believe that some royals have been known to be - how shall we say - imaginative.

Dr Jeong's team plans to look into the matter further.

"I would be astonished if plants could tell the difference [between types of music]. But you never know," he said. "This would be of large interest to the plant community in general if it were true, but it's a very big claim."

Dr Wigge said vibration caused by sound waves might have something to do with the Korean team's results, but added the effect on the genes was so small it could also be "natural variation".

"We know plants are responsive to wind and sense touch and vibration, so that could be having an effect," he said.

Dr Wigge said people had looked "very hard" for decades for signs of something more to plants.
"There was a claim that plants were sensitive and they had feelings; plants had a mood and it depended on electrical currents," he said. "All these studies, unfortunately, have never panned out."

Those non plant-likers are so negative but we plant lovers know different. Mine like Justin Timberlake and Phil Collins. Don't ask how I know. I just do.

Friday, September 07, 2007

WHAT NEXT? POPCORN CAUSES POPCORN LUNG...MAYBE...COULD BE...

Is there nothing left in life to enjoy? Weight watchers have been told that two cups of popcorn is a healthy and less fattening snack food and recommended for people on a diet. Now researchers are telling us that butter-flavored popcorn may be bad for our health. I mean - c'mon! Popcorn and movies are like...sacred, almost!

The public is being warned by lung specialists that not only factory workers could be in danger as a result of the fumes from buttery-flavored microwave popcorn, in a letter issued by federal regulars from a physician at a leading lung research hospital.

Oh? Somebody is getting research funds to study popcorn and I wasn't asked to participate?


A pulmonary specialist at Denver's National Jewish Medical and Research Center has written to federal agencies reporting that doctors working there believe they have the first case of a consumer who developed lung disease from the fumes of microwaving popcorn several times a day for years.

This begs at least from my perspective, the question as to how many of us actually eat pop popcorn several times a day? This person obviously had a popcorn addiction that went untreated for many years for this to occur. Perhaps had she/he been weaned away... But I digress.

"We cannot be sure that this patient's exposure to butter flavored microwave popcorn from daily heavy preparation has caused his lung disease," cautioned Dr. Cecile Rose. "However, we have no other plausible explanation."

The July letter, made public Tuesday by a public health policy blog, refers to a potentially fatal disease commonly called popcorn lung that has been the subject of lawsuits by hundreds of workers at food factories exposed to chemicals used for flavouring.

Note there is no Latin term as yet for the new syndrome. Popcornus lungitis bad-forus springs to mind.

In response to Rose's finding, the Flavor and Extract Manufacturers Association issued a statement Tuesday recommending that its members reduce "to the extent possible" the amount of diacetyl in butter flavourings they make. It noted that diacetyl is approved for use in flavours by the federal Food and Drug Administration.

One national popcorn manufacturer, Weaver Popcorn Co. of Indianapolis, said last week it would replace the butter flavouring ingredient because of consumer concern. Congress has also been debating new safety measures for workers in food processing plants exposed to diacetyl.
The FDA said in an e-mail it is evaluating Rose's letter and "carefully considering the safety and regulatory issues it raises."


Fred Blosser, spokesman for the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, said it is the first case the institute has seen of lung disease apparently linked to popcorn fumes outside the workplace.

A spokesman for National Jewish Medical, confirmed the letter was sent by Rose, a specialist in occupational and environmental lung diseases and director of the hospital's Occupational and Environmental Medicine Clinic.

"There have been no other cases that we know of other than the industrial occupational ones," Allstetter said.

Rose acknowledged in the letter that it is difficult to confirm through one case that popping buttered microwave popcorn at home can cause lung disease. However, she said she wanted to alert regulators of the potential public health implications.

Perhaps if we don't inhale...


Rose said the ailing patient, a man whom she wouldn't identify, consumed "several bags of extra butter flavoured microwave popcorn" every day for several years. He described progressively worsening respiratory symptoms of coughing and shortness of breath. Tests found his ability to exhale was deteriorating, Rose said, although his condition seemed to stabilize after he quit using microwave popcorn.

Read an up-close-and-personal story about the man who has allegedly experienced first-hand the effects of popcorn lung here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/06/health/main3239379.shtml

Writers & Friends

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Got a penis to spare?

The world's only penis museum has appealed for a human specimen.

Curator Sigurdur Hjartarson opened the museum in 1974 in Husavik, Iceland, and has collected 195 penises from various animals. His collection includes penises from hamsters, horses and whales however now he is appealing again for a human organ.

He said people from the UK, Germany and the US had contacted him offering their penises in the past but that none of the offers had ever been serious.

According to Wikipedia, "the Icelandic Phallological Museum (Hið Íslenzka Reðasafn, in Icelandic) in Húsavík, Iceland (formerly in Reykjavík) is a museum devoted to phallology. As of July 2006, the museum houses 245 specimens (or more than 170, according to El periódico de Cataluña) displayed like hunting trophies, embalmed in formaldehyde, or dried in display cases. The museum attempts to collect penis specimens from every mammal in Iceland, including several species that are endangered or currently extinct in Icelandic waters.

Sigurður Hjartarson, a former teacher of history at an institute in Reykjavík, is the founder (since 1974, when he was 63 years old) and current director of the museum, which also exhibits a few specimens from mammals not living in Iceland, as well as folkloric specimens (alleged elves, trolls, sea monsters, etc.) and penis-themed art.

Although the museum does not yet have a Homo sapiens specimen, in the interest of advancing phallological knowledge, a patron (Páll Arason, born in 1915 and currently 92 years old) has donated, presumably posthumously, an affidavit for his penis."

So if you know anyone who has one to spare - spread the word.

Friday, August 17, 2007

A CHEESY ELVIS SIGHTING

There have been Elvis sightings and miscellaneous reports ever since his death...or articles and reports of his death depending on the way one views it, over the years but this is a first.

A person believes that she sees Elvis in - wait for it - Stilton cheese. I mean - why not? Anyway - you decide by reading the story accompanied by the photo:

http://www.peterboroughtoday.co.uk/weird?articleid=3114338


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Friday, August 03, 2007

CAMP COUNSELLOR ROASTS SQUIRREL - THEN EATS IT

This piece reads like an article out of the tabloids or a bad B-movie. Had to read this piece over a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

Seems a Bible camp located in Saskatoon, Sask. in Canada, is defending a counsellor who worked for them, for what ever dumb reason decided to skin, roast and then eat a squirrel in front of a group of boys. Can you imagine the impact it must have had on them?

Parents are understandably upset and some are asking that the counsellor be fired. The camp for its part is claiming that it was an error in judgment by a young counsellor attempting to show respect for nature.

O-kaaaaaay...

The background behind the roast squirrel saga is that said counsellor had accidentally injured said squirrel in question and not wanting the the animal to suffer or its death to be a waste, killed the animal and ate it for lunch.

Eeeeeee-ew! Squirrel!

Thing is and this is not mentioned in the piece, at what point was the squirrel merely injured and then dead?

The SPCA said that the counsellor had done nothing illegal but on the SPCA's recommendation, the camp now has a policy that forbids harassing the rodents.


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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A NEW VIEW FOR "THE VIEW"...BRITNEY AND THE BOTTLE

After the controversial departure of Rosie O' D and subsequent conjecture of who will be her replacement on "The View" it appears that an announcement is this close as to who will be taking over the vacant chair. The creator and co-host of the show, Barbara Walters, promised that fans will find out the chosen one before their summer break.

"We are going to announce later this week who it is," Walter said on her show.

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Times reports over the weekend that the new hosts (note the plural factor here) will be Whoopie Goldberg (hurray!) and Sherri Shepherd (not familiar with her or her standup comedy).

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,291109,00.html

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BRITNEY SPEARS ON THE BOTTLE...IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING... AND THROWING

Speaking of celebrities... Seems that Britney Spears, singer and mom, who we are led to believe is trying to get her life on track again, has taken to the bottle. This time round it's not the usual Jack Daniels or designer vodka stuff but baby bottles, however she's not feeding bad stuff to her two tots. Seems the singer who appears to be doing everything but singing these days, tossed a baby bottle or more and threatened two photographers after they took pictures of her leaving a Las Vegas spa, the photographers said in a statement Tuesday.

She was heard to have screamed: "I am going to kill you!" at Andrew Deetz, a photographer who was allegedly beaten by Spears' bodyguard Thursday, they claimed in a statement released by their lawyers. What a surprise that the photogs, Deetz, 24, and Kyle Henderson, 23, said they are preparing to sue. The men were taking pictures of Spears, 25, as she and her children - 22-month-old Sean Preston Federline and 10-month-old Jayden James Federline - left the spa at the Wynn Las Vegas casino-hotel at about 11:30 a.m. local time, accompanied by two bodyguards. One bodyguard, Cesar Julio Camera, 37, pushed Henderson against a wall until Wynn security intervened and asked Henderson to leave, the statement said.

Rather than go into the borrrring details, read about it here:http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/2007/07/31/4383874-ap.html

There is no information as to whether the bottles were glass or the usual plastic but if they were plastic as is commonly used these days, how bad could the photogs been injured, anyway? Presumably, the run-in with Britney's bodyguards is at the heart of the issue but then again, they were doing what they were paid to do and that's to act in the singer's best interest. Too bad that those doing the same are few and far between. Quelle life Britney leads!


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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

YET ANOTHER YOUNG HOLLYWOOD TALENT GONE ASTRAY - AGAIN

She's in the news again. Grabbed the last few minutes of Larry King Show on CNN last night since they had a guest host (forget his name) a lawyer who was excellent and a refreshing breeze of needed pizzaz on the show, along with a group of high-profile lawyers who defend well-known people in the entertainment business and actor Daniel Baldwin, discussing and analyzing the latest Lohan case and her recent relapse. Access Hollywood's Billy Bush was also a guest.

Baldwin, who has his own issues with drugs and/or alcohol abuse and has been in and out of rehab. himself, elaborated on the psyche of the addict and that Lohan - or anyone with addiction problems - has to address the underlying psychological problem, which causes the addiction before being be "cured." Given her (Lohan's) upbringing and lack of parental guidance thereof and her sudden thrust into the limelight (and fame) at a young age, her response was to turn to drugs and alcohol for solace. Baldwin also emphasized that she will have to hit rock bottom and acknowledge that she has hit rock bottom.

Speaking of the parents...Lindsay's dad put in an appearance and it seems that he has seen the light and has turned to religion for solace. Good for him. However his conversion has impelled if not compelled him to preach his beliefs to the apparently not-ready-to-hear-Lindsay and as a result, has been in trouble with the law regarding his over-zealousness.

The general concensus among the guests was that she could get sentenced for a long as in 6 mnths. or more stay once again in rehab., or given the fact that she's got a drunken driving charge over her head already and committed the same offense again, could do real time in a federal prison. It will be interesting to see if she will get the celebrity version of a sentence or be treated in the same manner as anyone else.

Seems that according to Lohan, she's now hinting that she was framed...or something similar but is definitely not admitting that the drug(s) found on her were in fact hers. After Bush e-mailed Lohan to inquire as to how she was doing, she e-mailed him back stating, "Yes. I am innocent...did not do drugs, they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistsant, Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

Sure Lindsay. Anything you say.

Oh well... Looks like she'll have a lot of time to think about it - behind bars unless she wises up.

Read the Access Hollywood story here:http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/ah6192.shtml


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Saturday, July 21, 2007

WELL-KNOWN COMEDIANS PLAY IT "JUST FOR LAUGHS" IN MONTREAL NO LESS!

One thing that can be said about Montreal at this time of the year is that things take a funny turn. It's all due to the fact that the annual "Just for Laughs Comedy Festival" comes to town along with the appearance of some of the best known stand-ups accross the world.

In the past Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Jon Stewart and other famous or recognized "names" have made their name doing gigs "back when." This year William Shatner who is now as famous for his TV selling as his Capt. Kirk role, hosted a Gala comedy show as is Billy Connelly. All-in-all -Montreal bubbles-over with laughter and the place where humor rules. Pure entertainment and then some.

The names and comedians may have changed but the jokes and comedy are still the same with jokes that "slay." Here's a sampling of some of the best:"

"In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening."
"I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I can always try gardening."
"Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home."
(Alonzo Bodden)

"I was in college: I went to I.O.U." "I was studying psychology and then I went straight into therapy."
"Twenty five years ago there were no computers. Can you imagine your job without solitaire?"
(Wendy Liebman)

"Marriage is built on paranoia and mistrust. I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and she wakes up out of dead sleep to say where are you going? Why, to have sex with the midget I store in the medicine closet,"
( Tom Papa)

"If the food needed pepper, it should be on it."
(Michael McIntyre (a Brit) on obsequious waiters)

"I told my mother I wanted to grow up and be a comedian. She said you can't do both."
"I was just at the airport. Those treadmills they've got are huge."
"My friend said you have to read this book, it's a page turner. Well, I know how books work." (Jimmy Carr)

"I'm proud of my grandfather. He shot down two German planes. Unfortunately this was in 1972, but you can never be too careful."
(John Moloney)

"In Dubai I got a throat infection and I coughed up phlegm and accidentally ordered a taxi to the airport."
(Sean Meo)

"You know you're fat when you drop something and say do I need that'?"
(Robert Kelly)

"In the German lottery, they don't pick six winning numbers. No, they eee-eliminate 43 numbers."
(John Moloney)

"Over 100 metres, crocodiles are faster than horses.. Don't know how many horses it took to prove that."
"Corn-fed, farm-reared chicken, good at tennis. I don't want to know about his childhood. I just want to eat the bloody thing."
(Danny Bhoy)

"People assume life in hell is hell. But they've got it all wrong. The devil looks on fondly on the sinners. He tells them: You've lied. You've cheated. You've stolen. Why, you've done the devil's bidding. Help yourself to drugs and hookers forever.' It's heaven that has to be the eternal bore."
(Jim Jeffries)

"Just caught CNN's Larry King and Britney Spears on the tube in a meeting of the mind."
(Dave Attell)

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

PARIS FOLLOW-UP...THE BECKHAMS ARRIVE..."LITTLE BRITAIN" - U.S. STYLE

Just when the world assumed or hoped, anyway, that they had heard the last of or at the very least had a rest from Paris Hilton, now comes word that she's being investigated for having special privileges during her stint behind bars...or the equivalent.

Seems that the Los Angeles County Sherriff's Department has opened an investigation to determine whether she received special treatment. To quote Homer Simpson: "doh!"

The internal investation will determine - wait for it - whether the heiress had access to a cell phone when all the other inmates had to wait in line to use your regular pay phones. As if this isn't bad enough they will also be looking into whether she was given a new jail uniform instead of a recycled one like most of the other inmates. Last but not least, they will be looking into whether she had her mail delivered by a captain given that most mail is delivered by inmate trusties.

Such crucial issues!


U.S. VERSION OF "LITTLE BRITAIN" COMING TO TV SCREENS

As an occasional viewer of the British comedy series, "Little Britain", which can definitely be described as naughty bordering on dirty, it comes as a surprise that there are plans to bring the series to this side of the ocean. The series that created the characters Vicky Pollard and "I'm the only gay in the village" Daffyd famous, will feature a mix of existing characters from their BBC shows and new ones who will depict contemporary America.

The series will be shows on HBO and actors Matt Lucas and David Williams will make it viewable for U.S. audiences in fall 2008.

source: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3i1d96f56a2f843689bdac29b52238ecb4


DAVID BEKHAM AND POSH SPICE TODAYS CELEBRITIES OF THE HOUR?

Since the arrival of Posh Spice and her (more famous?) soccer star husband, David Bekham, it's been non-stop photos of the couple who have arrived on this side of the pond. He's here to play for his new team, The Galaxy, while Posh plays...herself in a special about...Posh, "Victoria Bekham: Coming to America" and part of the Spice Girls reunion tour.


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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

HOMER TO VISIT SPRINGFIELD, VT...IVANKA SAYS "THANKS BUT NO THANKS" TO THE VIEW...NEW USE FOR CAVIAR

Being that it's summer and always a slow-ish time in news, what better way to spend idle hours than to catch up on some celebrity gossip or updates.

Still waiting to hear who the new host will be for "The View" and hoping that either Whoopie Goldberg or comedian, Kathy Griffin will be the new addition. Speaking or writing about The View, one person who is definitely not interested is Ivanka Trump, who reports in People magazine that "there's zero chance I would do that." Hey - works for me since I don't think she's out-going enough to handle the job. Maybe dad, though, would be interested.


It's official. The town of Springfield, Vermont, population 9,300 has been selected to show the premiere of The Simpson's movie on July 21. In selecting the Vermont town 13 other Springfields in the U.S. were reported to have commented, "d'oh" upon learning the news.


Some people prefer theirs on a wafer while others like actress, Catherine Zeta-Jones prefers her caviar applied directly on her hair for that extra-healthy look. Not only caviar but truffles too. Seems that the Beluga (no less) is flown in from Iran five days ahead of her salon treatments in England at a cost of £200 a shot. Let's hope she doesn't run into any cats.

News you don't need to might might want to know:

According to her blog, Tori Spelling is now an ordained minister. For her first...act as Minister Tory, she united "Tony and Dex as life partners in love."

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

MICHAEL MOORE GETS DOWN AND NASTY

Love him or hate him, one thing for sure is that Michael Moore, he of "Sicko" fame sure knows how to get attention. For example yesterday, Monday, July 9, Moore took on CNN's Wolf Blitzer leaving the veteran reporter more-or-less speechless. A bitter tirade of words flowed out of Moore's mouth as he touched upon subjects that included Iraq and the criticism of some of his facts in "Sicko."

As expected YouTube has the visuals here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJL1ax4KdoY


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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

DID YOU HEAR THE JOKE ABOUT...

Just wondering - I do that a lot - if there are people reading this who are joke-deprived. By joke-deprived I'm not referring to the actual act of "getting" or appreciating when someone relates a funny story. I'm referring here to the actual act of telling or re-telling a joke that was told to them.

Y'see - I can't.

Well... I could if it was socially acceptable or allowable to carry the joke around on a piece of paper and read it aloud. However, I can't envision sitting at a table with - let's say - a business aquaintance and whipping out a cue card from my purse and then saying, "hey - did 'ya hear the one about..." after which I would recite it.

On the rare occasion that I've attempted to re-tell a joke, either I forgot the punch line or relate the joke incorrectly. Then I get hurt when nobody laughs or there's a puzzled expression on their face.


It leads one to wonder if there's a secret in joke telling and to this end a search on the Web revealed some hints in an article printed in Reader's Digest, with some hints passed on by some well-known comedians.

Comedian Jay Leno advises people to keep it simple.

"If you just do a joke about the funny noise that potato chips make when you bite into them, you'll get more laughs. Jokes work best when they're easy to understand," Leno advises.

Meanwhile, Conan O'Brien advises:
"The most important thing is to keep it short. It's like knowing when to leave the table in Vegas. Get your laugh or, if you're lucky, laughs, and then get off the stage. If you don't trust yourself, hire a friend to tackle you after four minutes."


So now I'm wondering (and admittedly hoping) that there are others like me "out there" that suffer from this affliction. If so - let's share angst and pass on some joke-telling advice and/or hints

By the way - heard any good jokes lately?

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Monday, July 02, 2007

U.S. PRESIDENTS ARE CHEESY

There are many ways as there choices in which to enjoy and savor cheese but in this world, there exists people who feel the need - nay the necessity - to take cheese to the next level.

Cheese lover, Troy Landwehr of Little Chute, Wisconsin, a state that knows something about this milk product, has created, carved and immortalized four U.S. president in cheddar. Seems the cheese carver has had this habit for almost twenty years and he began his first cheesy replica, the Batman logo, twenty years ago. His latest creation resembling those at Mount Rushmore includes Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

There is no information supplied as to the choice of cheddar instead of say stilton, mozzarella, provolone or others but cheddar does have a firm texture, which would make a good carving surface.

He will be promoting his sculpture in New York before it - the cheese - goes on tour where it will be stored, hopefully and presumably, in a rodent-free environment. Ultimately, the cheese quartet will end up in Oklahome where it will be cut up into cubes.

The cheese sculptor was commissed to make the sculpture by a cracker company.
Here's a photo of Landwehr in all his cheesiness:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6258058.stm


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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

SHE'S OUUUUUUT! PARIS & LARRY KING: THE INTERVIEW?

At time of writing - afternoon - Paris Hilton, she of the "orange-is-so-tacky" will be giving her first (but probably not last) interview with CNN's Larry King tonight. Guaranteed Larry will be asking her the really tough questions that he is known for, perhaps something like this:

"So Paris - tell us the truth. We heard you were constipated due to the lack of a balanced diet in jail. Is this true and if so, who do you blame?"

And she will answer:"Well Garry..."

"That would be Larry..."

"Oh yeah. All those names sound alike. Like I told all you media people, I've seen the light. Gawd - how could I miss it being on day and night and night and day..."

"Your diet, Paris?"

"Oh yeah. Well...um... Where was I? Where's my good book?"

"You mean your Bible?"

"No silly man! I mean, my black book full of phone numbers of my friends!"

"Now about the prison food?"

"Well Harry..."

"Larry...Larry! My name is Larry!"

"Yeah. Whatever... The food was blechy. Really blechy. Actually, it was the presentation that spoiled it all. My daddy - he's very rich y'know - my daddy always tells his chefs that presentation is everything. I mean, macaroni can look so much better when you - um - something like that. They should hire me! Maybe I can start a new career!"

"So Paris - the whole wide world - is waiting to know about the constipation issue. Were you or weren't you?"

"Excuse me camera people - are you getting my best side? Were I or weren't I what?"

"Oh Paris - you're a real riot, girl! Constipated!"

"Constipated? What does that mean? Why don't we stick to the important questions like my new hair shade. D'ya like it, Barry?"

"It's Larry, Paris!"

"Ohmygawd! You have the same last name as my first name! Isn't that like...so funny? Maybe we're related! Do you own any Hilton hotels? Are you sure you people are catching my best side?

Something like that.

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Friday, June 22, 2007

TURNING THE CAMERA ON MICHAEL MOORE: NOT SO NICE

One thing for sure: wherever and whenever a Michael Moore film is released to the public, controversy follows. There is no denying that this is a documentary film maker who excels in getting the public to pay attention and then get them into the theatres, whereupon he presents his view of the subject at hand. For many people, therein lies the problem. As Moore himself has stated that a documentary film maker presents a point of view, period.

There is some irony in that the film makers - Debbie Melnyk and Rick Caine are Canadians and in their film "Manufacturing Dissent", they turn their lens on Moore himself.The embryo for making their film is intriguing in that it started out as an attempt for the duo to speak with Moore, who at that time was their hero when it came to making doc. films. However, Moore for whatever reason, had no interest in talking to them. Not such a good idea since they ended up making a movie examining Moore and the validity of his methods in acquiring and using background information for his docs. Also interesting to note the content for their film was not acquired through Moore himself but through friends, former friends and colleagues.

Read the interviews and then go see the film. I plan to.


Trailer for film on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3IUU7a4wB0


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Saturday, June 16, 2007

A QUIRKY (OR TWO) - A-DAY KEEPS THE BLUES AWAY

Being that it's a relatively slow day for news items - at least for this blog - what better opportunity than to report on the lighter side of life.

It's not unusual for people to join in singing hymns in church but a special singer lends his voice in a manner of speaking, to the proceedings at a chapel in Wales. The singer - or barker to be exact - is Teddy, a guide dog who enjoys joining the parishiners in song.

The five year old golden retriever who had been accompanying his temporary caretaker, Nona Rees to church since last February but it's only recently that he's taken a more active or vocal role. Ms Rees had been babysitting Teddy until his owner recovers from an illness.

Initially, the dog used to sleep during hymn singing but one day he just...barked right in with the rest of the congregation. According to Ms Rees, Teddy particularly enjoys the faster and louder hymns. As expected he's unfamiliar with the words and there is no information as to his favorites.

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You can imagine how pleased crime fighting authorities in Russia were with their first Russian Robocop, hailed as the first member of a revolutionary new crime fighting force. Think of the possibilities with a crime fighter that can deflect bullets...and other exciting stuff. A joint project funded by police and city authorities in Perm, eastern Russia, the crime-fighter has video cameras and sensors that relay pictures and data to police stations accross the city, alerting them to a crime occuring and the location. The six-foot tall egg-shaped robot which moves on four wheels is a joint project funded by the police and city authorities in Perm, eastern Russia.

However -it's always the howevers in life that are so bothersome - nobody counted on the six foot tall egg-shaped robot to be short-circuited in the true sense of the word, by rain. It was on the streets for a mere few hours before it was recalled for repairs since heavy rain damaged its circuitry. Officials are still sold on the idea and more are planned for the future.

Shades of Terminator! Where's Governor Schwarzneggar when you need him?


And how was your week?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

"CREATURE COMFORTS" - TOONS AT THEIR BEST - AND FUNNIEST

Given that TV viewers ignore a large portion of summer-time programs, this one could easily fall victim to the chopping block due to lack of publicity and interest. Hence my big push to familiarize anyone reading this to this new series and concept.

The name of this animated series is "Creature Comforts" and it can be seen on CBS on Monday nights. Not the best time spot but be that as it may...

The animation, which is superb and hysterical by the way, is by the same team that brought us the films, "Wallace and Grommit" but this series has something different going for it. The people behind the scenes travelled accross the U.S. and asked ordinary people i.e. me/you some very basic questions. For example something to the effect: "what do you think about aging?" to a wide variety of people and ages and cultural backgrounds, after which the questions were answered and discussed by animated animal 'toons.

In one particular segment a trio of a capella singers ended up as a nest of warbling birds. Very funny. Or in another memorable segment, two middle-aged male and female bulldogs discuss life from various perspectives. Still another segment featured "older" love birds discussing their various physical ailments.

Rather than me rant on and on about the series, drop by and get a taste of what it's all about here. You can download or watch segment to see why I'm gung-ho and raving about it.


http://www.cbs.com/primetime/creature_comforts/


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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

BRITISH ARTIST SELLS FRAMED ROADKILL

Most drivers will try to avoid driving over a dead animal carcas strewn over a highway but a British artist (if you can call him that...I would call him weirrrrrrrd) is selling - wait for it - squashed/mashed/mangled and framed no less, hare and fox for - again wait for it -£35,000.

The artist in question who lives in Horsley, gets his inspiration by scraping off animals who have encountered cars and lost, off the cement highways. He then takes them home (presumably but who knows) and skins them after which he sticks them in a frame and displays them to the public! Why - who knows. Art? Self-expression?

In order to sustain his supply the artist has set up a "roadkill hotline" for people to get in touch with him when they spot a squished animal.Does the union representing highway cleaners know about this?

There's more - don't read this if you haven't had your breakfast/whatever yet - he actually eats their flesh before using them for sculptures and admits to eating badgers, squirrels and hares.

He claims that he uses roadkill to highlight how people have become alienated from the natural world. O-kay...whatever... Personally, the possibility of the lingering taste of rubber from the tires is enough to put me off.

His sons aged 8, 12 years and 7 year old daughter, all vegetarians co-incidentally(!), love his work. I bet.

By the way and if you're in the area it can be viewed at Griffin Mill, near Stroud, as part of the town's arts festival. Viewing it on an empty stomach is suggested. There is no information available as to whether there are any buyers.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/gloucestershire/6742407.stm


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Monday, June 11, 2007

PARIS HILTON DAILY UPDATE: PARIS CALLS BARBARA WALTERS

Hmmm... Don't quite know what to make of this. Perhaps an attempt at trying to re-build her credibility?

Seems that Paris H. was able to phone ABC's Barbara Walters, she of "The View" to discuss...stuff and presumably her current incarceration.

"I used to act dumb," she told Walters in the exclusive phone conversation. "That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference. ... God has given me this new chance."

Um...used to act? I really must curb my tendency to be saracastic and cynical because it's obvious that Paris is trying to turn over a new leaf and change her life because...because...she's seen the light. Actually, more than one light that will focus on her when she gets out of jail.

She went on about how horrific her experience in jail has been...about being and feeling depressed...and it generally being a horrible experience.

Duh...

It was a collect call and Walters agreed to accept the charges. Aw - that's like...so nice and generous of her!

Anyway, the interview will be on ABC's "The View" today if anybody is interested.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3264588&page=1


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Saturday, June 09, 2007

PARIS HILTON AND PUBLIC SYMPATHY

After a mere 24 hours more or less of serving out her jail sentence in her luxury estate, heiress Paris Hilton is back behind bars. Media reports indicate that she was hysterical and calling for her mother, as she was led out to a waiting police car that whisked her back to jail.

It will be interesting how this whole incident will play out with the public.

By the mere act of being Paris Hilton, party girl, international celebrity and rich heiress who appears to flaunt authority, public sympathy was not on her side on the onset. In a statement released before her initial incarceration, she appeared to accept the consequences of her action.

"During the past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realise I made some mistakes. This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make."

However a short time later reports began to circulate regarding her physical condition and it wasn't long before she was sent packing accompanied by an electronic bracelet to serve out her sentence at home in her mansion. Perhaps due to the public outcry focusing on celebrity justice and laws for the rich and the regular people, she was back in court and will have to serve her sentence behind bars.

Thing is...had she accepted the consequences of her action as she claimed initially to do and serve time behind bars, public sympathy would have been with her and she might even have emerged a hero of sorts. Once she defied traditional incarcertation, however, the public appeared to turn on her.

How she will be perceived by the public down the line will depend on the length of her stay in jail.

BTW - where are all her good friends and ex-boyfriends with whom she hangs out and accompany her on globe trotting jaunts, when she needs them? What about her ex-boyfriend? Guess she's as good as her last party.


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Friday, June 08, 2007

UH-OH...COULD BE TROUBLE ON THE HORIZON FOR PARIS!

Uh-oh...looks like Paris Hilton might have to trade in her designer duds for a no-name, run-of-the-mill orange jump suit with a number!

Having been released from jail on Thursday and now serving her "time" at home Los Angeles's top prosecutor, Rocky Delgadillo, is not a happy man. Seems he's quite upset with the county's sherriff decision to release Paris from serving time in prison and allowing her to wear an electronic ankle bracelet while - um - lounging around her humble abode watching TV...being served meals by servants, etc. etc. Seems that his office is of the opinion that her early release undermines his efforts to apply "equal justice."

A mere few hours after Paris Hilton was sent packing back to her mansion under house arrest, the judge who put her in jail ordered her back to court to decide whether she should go back behind bars. The judge in question, Michael T. Sauer issued his order after the city attorney filed a petition on Thursday afternoon, demanding to show cause why Sheriff Lee Baca should not be held in contempt of court for releasing Paris that morning, and demanding that she be retained in custody.

According to media reports she was released due to "medical condition(s)", which have reported to be a) a skin rash (pure speculation here but maybe they forgot to add fabric softener to the final wash) or b) psychological problems. One wonders how many other prisoners also experience psychological problems being incarcerated but don't get released with an electronic ankle bracelet.

Read more about her current legal problems here:http://www.montereyherald.com/ci_6082816?source=most_viewed

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

PARIS HILTON NO LONGER BEHIND BARS - WHAT A SURPRISE!

Boy am I ever shocked! Paris Hilton, she of the "I-want-to-set-an-example-for-others" was released today after being in prison - in isolation no less away from life's 'undesirables' - for a mere 4 days.

According to media reports she was released due to medical problems. Hang nail springs to mind...or the emergence of a zit... Officially, she couldn't cope with it all.

Duh.

Perhaps and unknowingly, Paris has set a precedent and other prisoners will claim hardship and ask to be released early because they couldn't cope.

So now Paris is under house arrest for 40 days and has to wear an electronic bracelet that will monitor her movement. Law enforcement officials will know for example, when Paris relaxes and dines el fresco by her pool, and lounges in other rooms of her mansion.

It's a tough sentence but someone has to serve it! There is no information as to whether the bracelet in question came in a selection of colors and styles or designer models.

www.http://www.dailyherald.com/story.asp?id=320892

http://origin.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_6082867


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Monday, June 04, 2007

PARIS HILTON BEHIND BARS...WELL...YEAH...KIND'A

So y'see...Paris Hilton, she of the girls-just-wanna-have-fun Hilton heiress, is in jail...in a manner of speaking. She showed up at a Los Angeles Country jail for a three week visit...that is to say, jail sentence for violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Although she was sentenced to 45 days behind bars, Paris is expected to serve only 23 days due to a state law requiring shorter sentences for good behavior.

Say what?

Good behavior? She violated probation on an alcohol related reckless driving charge and gets rewarded?

She is quoted as commenting: "I am trying to be strong right now," she told reporters on the red carpet. "I'm ready to face my sentence. Even though this is a really hard time, I have my family, my friends and my fans to support me, and that's really helpful."

"I'm really scared but I'm ready to do this," she added. "And I hope that I'm an example to other young people."

Again - say what?

The young heiress with lots of $$$ gets a reduced sentence and she wants to set and example?Her cell is located in a "special needs" unit separate from most of the 2,200 inmates. Why should we not be surprised? The unit contains 12 two-person cells reserved for police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile inmates. She could have a cellmate. As is the case with other inmates in the unit, Paris will eat in her cell (no mention of the menu btw) and be allowed outside for at least an hour each day to shower, watch TV in the day room, participate in outdoor recreation or talk on the telephone. No cell phones or BlackBerrys are permitted in the facility, even for visitors.

Read about Paris in jail here: http://www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=a0e110df-179e-480b-beed-7860c4132755

Comments anyone? Is Paris receiving priveleges not offered to "normals"?


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Thursday, May 31, 2007

OF CHEESE ROLLERS AND COWS...MILKING A STORY FOR ALL ITS WORTH

Shades of Monty Python!

At one time cheese was a healthy food that people ate, period. Lately though, it appears that cheese has and is being used as something worthy of watching and now (for a while it appears) comes the sport of cheese-chasing. At least it is in England where both cheese "activities" take place, but let's focus our attention this time on the latter.

Every year at the end of May or Spring bank holiday as it is known in England, a bunch of people from all over Europe for some reason known only to them - perhaps they're cheese-a-holics - roll chunks of cheese down a hill.

Yup...cheese.

The cheese used is a 7-8 lb. double Gloucestser, which moves, slides and/or bounces down a steep hill 200m long and has a 1:1 gradient in places. There is no information provided whether participants bring along a cheese slicer and/or crackers but let's assume not. It's also a great and unique excuse for arriving late to work: a cheese traffic tie-up.

A group of volunteers from St. John Ambulance were standing by to treat boo-boo's most of which were reported to be cuts, bruises and sprains.

Dating back thousands of years the competition consists of a series of downhill races with the winner of each receiving a 7-8 pound circle of cheese, while runners-up get £10 and a £5 prize for third place. Seems like a very cheesy prize if you ask me.

The winner, Aaron Walden, 20, from Gloucester, won for the third time beating a man dressed in a diaper to the bottom of the hill. Nothing about him carrying a bottle of skim milk directly from cows as is the case in the next story.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/gloucestershire/6696717.stm


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Think about this the next time you drink your glass of skim milk.

A group of experts at a biotechnology company in New Zealand have discovered that some cows have a gene that allows them to give skim milk. And we "normals" thought that there was a de-fatting process involved! That's as much as we know.

Identified in 2001, the team has been able to breed calves that can produce the skimmed variety and those involved believe that it can have a significant impact on the dairy industry. Furthermore, the original low-fat cow who goes by the name "Marge", produces milk very low in saturated fats.

What's next? Cows that can give low-fat yogurt?

Read the entire story here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6700129.stm


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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

FAMILY CAT HAS POSTAL CARRIERS WALKING SCARED

When it comes to delivering mail postal carriers are usually concerned with dog attacks and family pooches that bound out of nowhere to protect their owner's property. It's rare however, to hear or read a story about cats, as in they who "meow," however this is the case in Winnipeg, Canada, where a postal worker fears for her safety when nearing the house of Shadow, an 8 year old black cat.

Shadow's owner recently received a letter from Canada Post that due to the cat's alleged growling (!), postal delivery to said house is discontinued. Furthermore, the cat's owners now have to travel 4 kilometres to pick up mail until future arrangements can be made. The recent turn of events has Shadow's owners very disconcerted since they know their family cat to be cuddly, loving and easy going. It appears though when it comes to mail delivery, Shadow turns into a furry ball of growling feline-ness.

For its part Canada Post stated that the postlady who reported the cat described Shadow as having a threatening manner. Makes you wonder what said postlady does upon coming accross an aggresive dog. It also occurred to me that black cats get a bad rap or rep for being born with black fur. This is a statistical fact in that shelters have a difficult time getting them adopted.

In any case both sides are working to resolve the issue although Shadow hasn't been asked for any input. Even if he was he would probably ignore the humans, anyway.

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/story/3958304p-4570989c.html