At time of writing - afternoon - Paris Hilton, she of the "orange-is-so-tacky" will be giving her first (but probably not last) interview with CNN's Larry King tonight. Guaranteed Larry will be asking her the really tough questions that he is known for, perhaps something like this:
"So Paris - tell us the truth. We heard you were constipated due to the lack of a balanced diet in jail. Is this true and if so, who do you blame?"
And she will answer:"Well Garry..."
"That would be Larry..."
"Oh yeah. All those names sound alike. Like I told all you media people, I've seen the light. Gawd - how could I miss it being on day and night and night and day..."
"Your diet, Paris?"
"Oh yeah. Well...um... Where was I? Where's my good book?"
"You mean your Bible?"
"No silly man! I mean, my black book full of phone numbers of my friends!"
"Now about the prison food?"
"Larry...Larry! My name is Larry!"
"Yeah. Whatever... The food was blechy. Really blechy. Actually, it was the presentation that spoiled it all. My daddy - he's very rich y'know - my daddy always tells his chefs that presentation is everything. I mean, macaroni can look so much better when you - um - something like that. They should hire me! Maybe I can start a new career!"
"So Paris - the whole wide world - is waiting to know about the constipation issue. Were you or weren't you?"
"Excuse me camera people - are you getting my best side? Were I or weren't I what?"
"Oh Paris - you're a real riot, girl! Constipated!"
"Constipated? What does that mean? Why don't we stick to the important questions like my new hair shade. D'ya like it, Barry?"
"It's Larry, Paris!"
"Ohmygawd! You have the same last name as my first name! Isn't that like...so funny? Maybe we're related! Do you own any Hilton hotels? Are you sure you people are catching my best side?
Something like that.
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