"X-Factor USA" invited me to audition - I'm ready for my close up

Opening my e-mail today, I was greeted  with an invitation by X-Factor (USA) to become part of the show. Sort-of... It wasn't exactly a personal invitation but an invite is an invite is an invite... I takes it as I gets it. Last year readers of this blog may recall that just before "X-Factor" premiered, Simon Cowell no less, sent me an e-mail informing me about the day and time the show would air.

That Simon - so considerate!

Really, given Simon's note to me, the informative update should have come as no surprise.

"Hello!" the e-mail blurb opened up, followed by, "THE WORLD'S ONLY $5 MILLION AUDITION IS BACK!"

There is something about seeing "$5 million dollars" as a great attention-getter. Let's be honest: five million buck-a-roonies can  buy a lot of attention - and pretty things. Right?

"THE X FACTOR is searching for America's best undiscovered talent," the information blurb continued.

This was the perfect description of my talent so I knew it was directed at me personally.

"If you are a solo artist or vocal group and are ages 12 and up, you can audition for Season 2 of THE X FACTOR."

I would classify myself as a solo artist and to date, a shower singer having never gone public. Still more people would say that this is a good thing. Friends who have heard my version of "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" have told me that my voice makes them cry.

"If you, or any of your friends have THE X FACTOR go to www.thexfactorusa.com to sign-up and get audition details and eligibility requirements NOW!" but a cyber click to the site revaled that it was out-of-date, with Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger still listed as judges. Anybody who keeps up with show-biz chatter are aware that the pair were ousted last season. Kind of surprising.

There could be one deterrent, though, to my being discovered. Being Canadian and all, most likely my geographical location will make me/us inelligible. Oh well - their loss. Some of my friends and family members would say their luck.

Simon Cowell sent me a letter!

Checking my various e-mails this morning, I was surprised to find one from a well-known celebrity/TV personality. It was none other than Simon Cowell, he of "American Idol" ex-judge fame who wanted to know "do you, a friend or a family member have what it takes to become a global superstar? I'm looking for the next singing sensation, someone with that special something - 'The X Factor.'."

It's not every day that one receives a personal letter from the king-of-mean and I wondered who had passed on my e-mail to him. Obviously, it was someone who wasn't familiar with my singing voice because if they had heard my renditions of well-known songs, they would never have suggested my name, although I do a mean version of "Respect" in the shower. In any case, Simon - I feel we are friends now - goes on:

"The X Factor is my new show launching this Fall on Fox. It's a make-it-or-break-it singing competition, and this time there are no restrictions. Solo singers, vocal groups and anyone over the age of 12 have the chance to win a $5 million recording deal with Sony Music. There's NO upper age limit"

The words "no restrictions" might give me an incentive to throw my hat into the ring, so to speak. I mean, these days there is technical help that could at the very least make my voice passable. Perhaps as a unique angle and being an artist, I could create a canvas for a song. Actually, I do that anyway but I digress.

What might make the difference as to whether I should enter is the opportunity of winning big bucks. As Simon himself pitches: "now is your chance, who knows, you or your group could walk away with a $5 million recording contract and a lifetime of stardom."

"The search starts in Los Angeles on March 27th, and then continues on to Miami, Newark, Seattle, and Chicago, ending in Dallas."

The $5 million dollars grabbed my attention but my hopes were dashed with these seven little words: "You have to be a U.S. citizen."

I'm a Canadian so that leaves me out. They'll never know what they've been missing, lucky for them.

Wanted: witch - some experience would be helpful

Looking for a job that definitely could be classified as "different?"A tourist attraction, Wookey Hole, located near Wells, Somerset, England is advertising in the local Job Centre for a witch. Duties include teaching visitors about witchcraft and magic and the successful applicant should be a good cackler and not be allergic to cats. Sounds reasonable.

The person - it's open to both females and males - who replaces the current witch who retired, will receive a salary of £50,000 pro rata based on work during school holidays and weekends. The job duties will be focused on summer holidays including Halloween and Christmas.

Legend has it that the caves were home to the Wookey Witch who was turned to stone by Father Bernard who had been appointed by the Abbott of Glastonbury to rid villagers of her curse.

Right now you're probably asking yourselves how does one go about applying for this job?

Auditions for the role are being held on July 28 in front of a panel of judges who will assess applicants costume and character as well as the ability to perform witch tests.

Witch tests? As in curses and other witch stuff?

According to the people posting the vacancy:

- Interviews for the post will involve on-site assessment incorporating a range or standard tasks.
- Ambitious witches, looking for a key career move, should turn up dressed for work and bring any essential witch accoutrements.
- A limited range of potion ingredients will be available.
- We are witchless at the moment so we need to get the role filled as soon as possible.
- We are looking for someone who is friendly, a little mischievous and with lots of character.

No information regarding whether or not wands and/or brooms will be provided.

A photo of the current witch who is going into retirement can be found here:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5769160/Witch-required-for-Wookey-Hole-Caves---must-be-able-to-cackle.html