Wednesday, October 04, 2006


It starts out innocently enough with a couple of "arf-arf's" and a wag of a fluffy tail but don't be fooled by its innocuous exterior. It's the dog from hell.


My granddaughter paid a visit this weekend and brought along a dog. Not a real living dog but with the aid of umpteen batteries she led it in the house on a leash.

“How cute!” were the first words to come out of my mouth as it whisked by my feet. “What’s its name?”Although she told me repeatedly becoming more impatient each time this question was asked, somehow it never registered. As I recall it was a one-syllable name.
Peek...Teek... Pim... Something like that. However, this beast with vinyl fur should be called “The hound from hell.”

Visually, the pooch is a picture of innocence with long shaggy fur covering its entire body and face. It sort-of shuffles around the room while walking into walls and furniture and then backs away. In as far as kids are concerned its real value is that it barks...and barks...and barks...and that's the problem. This canine definitely has devilish leanings.

“Listen up – forget about creating all that mayhem up on earth,” the horned one with the long tail could have told his minions. “I’ve got something here that’ll drive them all nuts and we won’t hav’ta lift a finger!”

And so the ‘white-dog-from-hell’ was unleashed on the world and toy market. It emits a somewhat muted bark that sounds like a dog afflicted with laryngitis and lifts up its head to be heard. The first fifty “arf-arf…arf-arf” is tolerable but subsequent ‘arfs’ begin to grate on the nerves, like nails on a chalk board moving in the wrong direction.

It’s the white-dog-from-hell! Ayeeeeeee… Run while you still have a chance and a clear head.

“Turn the dog off, please” is the first reaction followed by subsequent “will you turn your friend off?” and then “turn that dog off!” and finally the threat, “if you don’t turn that thing off I’ll…I’ll…” It’s a plot perpetrated by the creators to create bark level that will drive adults insane.“Do you hear this?” manufacturers must have asked innocent participants in their tests, to assess the right pitch for adult ears. They knew they had reached the right level when the participants begged for mercy, “no – not the white dog! Anything but not the white dog!”

I’m just wondering if the military is aware of its existence.

Today -Walmart. Tomorrow – the world.

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