Why me, I ask you? Huh? I just this very minute... Okay five minutes ago...received this e-mail and am so fraught with indecision. I mean - the sender even addressed me by my first name!
Not just Eleanor mind you, but dear Eleanor.
"Please, do not be offended as this came to you without your permission. Which ever way you may look at it may it please you to repond either negatively or positively, so that i will know what next to do."
Respond either...negatively or...positively... Uh-huh...no neutral response for this person!
"I am Mr. Blah-blah, thirty two years of age and the fifth son of the reknowned Gambian industralist and the director general of D Sawmill, Chief Blah-blah-blah, who has companies and industries all over West Africa ."
So at this point - I'm impressed. Here somebody who obviously recognized my fame as a writer/wanna-be playwright/aspiring artist etc. etc. is a man of wealth and power. The man owns a sawmill! I've never known a sawmill owner before and better still - he's rich.
"As it may interest you to know, i got your contact through the internet professional data base by divine inspiration as i made this operation my only way of survival and i decided to contact you in order to tackle this without delay."
Ohmyohmy... Divine inspiration no less!
"My father Chief, Chief Blah is a victim of polygamy and womanizing married to twenty eight wives with sixty three children, very stingy and brutal to all of us, but mine is different as i have no brother or sister of the same father and mother due to the premature death of my mother in child birth on the 24th jan 1979 when i was only six years old, remaining under the brutal care of my wicked father who turned me to a slave istead of a son.."
Now things get a little confusing for me, here. His dad was a victim of polygamy and a womanizer married to 28 wives and has 63 children... Mr. Blah-blah has no brother or sister of the same(?) father and mother due to the death of his mother... Uh-huh... So that's 28 woman times... No divide that by... Forgetaboutit. Math never was my strong subject in school.
"With all his wealth, he could only make me the assistant sales manger in one of his alliance wood industries (D SAWMILL) republic of the Gambia with seviere maltretment and underation, irregular and poor salary , after depriving me of proper education and insisting that i must work under him. Being under my father gives no future to any ambitious young man , so for the purpose of my own progress and to liberate myself, i managed to make away with his THREE MILLION FIVE HUNDREND THOUSAND USA DOLLARS in a safe box when he was on holidays and came to republic of Togo where i deposited it in one security company."
Well...Mr. Blah-blah didn't do too badly all things considered squirreling away 3,500,000 USD, which he appears to have stored in a safe box. Right?
"Here in Lome iam like a refugee , no place of my own to lay my head, always hidding from people who may know me or my father, Please, iam here begging you to assist me urgently in the release and transfer of the fund to your account , then you invite me to come ,invest and live in your country as a partner or any way you may want it providing i get out quickly from here because of my shylock father."
That's it! All I hav'ta do! Allow Mr. Blah-blah to deposit money in my account! So as a good will gesture, I'm gonna send Mr. Blah-blah a return e-mail inviting him to invest in my ice-making company in Labrador. I mean, it's the least I can do.
"I am Waiting in hope for your urgent reply."
Writers & Friends