Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Hey! It's Festivus for the rest of us

This year, wanted to make sure that the holiday of Festivus is marked on the day the holiday occurs. In previous years, somehow it slipped by without recognition until the day after. Not that it really makes a difference in the scheme of things but holidays should be celebrated on the day they take place.

For the uninformed, this holiday got its start as a segment on the still-lamented TV comedy series, "Seinfeld" with Frank Constanza, George's father, who explains the holiday this way.

"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way." The doll was destroyed but as George elaborated, "out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"

The holiday is unique in that it includes the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength. Who among us hasn't or doesn't air our grievances at some point? Speaking for myself because nobody else will, I recently aired a grievance at the supermarket, when returning rotten cheese.

"I'm now Airing my Grievances," I told the cashier emphatically, hands on hips for emphasis. "This cheese has a good-until date for three months from now and yet here we are, not two weeks later with mold."

Doubtful that the cashier was aware of the Airing of Grievances occasion in spite of numerous attempts to explain and offers to listen to her grievances, but she still gave me my money back, anyway. Not everyone wants to share.

In as far as Feats of Strength are concerned, just this morning I brought a trash bag filled to capacity to the disposal shoot and tossed it in holding it in one hand. Two days ago I walked along a slush-filled sidewalk, ignoring the option to walk on the dry road. These are praise-worthy feats, friends!

Last but certainly not least, there's the Festivus Pole, in which an un-decorated aluminum pole is displayed in place of a Christmas tree. One could, if one felt moved, dance around the pole or perhaps - just a thought - string up some cord and hang laundry. A pole is a pole is...

So once the binge-watching of TV series has lost its charm and all the gifts are wrapped, and the cat has re-decorated the tree as only cats can do, get the gang together and hold hands singing around the Festivus pole. Why? Why not?

It's Festivus all Across the Land

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
Grievances aired, are you listening,
At the dinner, meatloaf is glistening.
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
It's Festivus all across the land.
Standing there, is an old pole,
Unadorned, it is a strong pole.
It stands straight and tall,
As we go along,
It's Festivus all across the land.
In the Living Room we can wrestle,
And try to pin the head of the house.
He'll say: Are you ready?
We'll say: No, man.
But we will do our best
To pin him down.
Later on, we'll conspire,
As we air grievances by the fire.
To face unafraid,
The gripes we have made,
It's Festivus all across the land.

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