Human nature (and blog readers) never cease to amaze

As a person who enjoys blogging about...nearly everything, actually, I enjoy keeping track of which blog pieces continuously surface to the top.

Anything to do with royalty seems to be of interest to everyone world-wide, or at least people who drop by Gimme a Break (this blog) and when I, along with many... Make that a gazillion other people didn't get an invitation to the royal wedding last year, I shared my disappointment and angst with anyone who happened by.
http://myviewscount.blogspot.ca/2011/04/royal-wedding-list-minus-my-name.html

Related to the wedding and even if one (me) had received an invite, one would be required to know how to act in front of royalty and invitees.
http://myviewscount.blogspot.ca/2011/04/royal-behavior-what-are-rules.html

To this end, a consultation with Debrett's, the word when it comes to things societal, as written on their site: "Debrett's is the modern authority on all matters etiquette, taste and achievement. Recognising people of distinction and the finer things in life are true to Debrett's heritage, rooted in publishing chronicles of the great and the good over the past two centuries" was in order in case one (me again) is invited to a royal affair. People appear to enjoy my take on this issue.

Also popular in the royalty-related category or at least something that is still around, is my confession that I missed the Queen's Jubilee Party and celebrations. What can I say - yet another invitation obviously lost in the mail.

These days the most popular topic seems to be a piece written in 2009 focusing on an invention of a dual bra that could if the need be most likely, converted into a gas mask. In fact this unusual invention won a Ig Nobel prize. Actually, when the list of award-ees was released, this particular award stood out among the rest. I mean - think about it - a bra that could also act as a gas mask. This made me think ("oh do share your thoughts, Eleanor!") if - and I say/write, if - this was feasible, the bulkyness of the gas mask would make the wearing of the bra unconfortable, n'est pas? Also, if it became apparent that there was some type of gas in the air, the speed in which one could unhook said bra and place it on one's face would be slow. Just some thoughts that spring to mind. But I digress.

BONUS...BONUS! VIDEO OF DR. BODNAR RECEIVING HER BRA/GAS MASK CONVERSION IG NOBEL AWARD
For those people reading this who are still interested in this interesting...device, did some research and came accross a YouTube video of Dr. Bodnar receiving her award and discussing her invention.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxf3HK21BWI

Let it not be said or written that I don't go the extra mile for my blog readers!

Also still on the list are Rufus the Turkey has left the building and a complaint that rates at the top of my...complaint list is the usage of cell phones in places where they shouldn't be used (example: in a bathroom while you-get-the-picture), in a movie theatre.

As long as residents of planet earth continue being who and what they are, I will endeavor to continue to seek out the unusual...the unconventional...the weird-ish stories that make this blog what it is. Whatever.

Missed the Queen's Diamond Jubilee party

Alas and alack, I missed the Queen's Jubilee but I did catch some of the pomp and circumstance along with the activities and show on TV. Perhaps in retrospect, I should have made a concerted effort given that my invitation to the recent royal nuptials went astray and/or was lost in the mail. It had to be one of those two reasons. Still haven't decided what to do with my tasteful white gloves and hat purchased for the occasion. But I digress.

Came accross some interesting statistics accumulated by The Guardian Datablog ( http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog+uk/queen-diamond-jubilee) focusing on the overall participation of the people:

- 1,2 million people lined the roya pageant route along the river Thames to watch the flotilla float by. This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to do the royal hand wave that I had practiced for the royal nuptials
- 9,500 street parties were estimated to have taken place throughout England. No invitation extended to moi, once again
- 700 boats made up the flotilla
- 4,200 beacons were lit accross the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man, Commonwealth and overseas
- 10,000 ballot winners were treated to a picnic in Buckingham Palace's garden. This leads one - me- to wonder if the Debrett's rules of conduct extends to picnic situations. In any case, the menu was certainly celebratory according to reports, consisting of wicker baskets containing tea-smoked Scottish salmon (I simply adore smoked salmon), a modern take on coronation chicken and Sandringham strawberry crumble crunch, two cupcakes and a small cheeseboard with biscuits and chutney, among other items.

It would have been nice to have attended the closing concert given all the s*t*a*r*s present including my favorites, Paul McCartney, and a host of other well-known singers. Sir Paul and I go back to the early Beatle years if only in spirit. My presence was there in spirit and the fireworks display at the end was impressive. There's always next time and at least I'm prepared for future royal occasions. Hint-hint.

Bra cup doubling as gas mask, a missing cat and Debretts rules of etiquette rate high in blog pieces

A few years ago I shared a blog piece focusing on a unique invention (to say the least) created by one Dr. Elena Bodner, who took home the Ig Nobel Prize for 2009. For the uninitiated and unknowing the Ig Nobel Prize(s) are intended to "celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative and spur people's interest in science, medicine, and technology." One would have to agree that Ms Bodnar's invention, which won thepublic health prize for creating a dual bra that could be converted (if necessary obviously) into two gas masks falls into the unique category.

The reason for sharing this information is that there appears to be a renewed interest in this story judging by my stats. Not that I'm complaining or anything but it makes me shake my head in wonderment which pieces suddenly emerge at the top of the heap. In case you didn't catch the story, here are the coordinates and if you feel like commenting, even better. http://myviewscount.blogspot.ca/2009/10/bra-cups-runneth-over-as-gas-mask.html

N.B. Just a note that this story is still drawing readers as of Fri. May 25. You people never cease to amaze!

Another piece that seems to be of interest to people is how to conduct oneself in public in case one is in the company of royalty. This was a follow up to another piece where I pondered as to why I never got my invitation to the royal wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. This got me thinking about if I had received an invitation, what are the rules and regulations where royalty is concerned. I mean, how does one act and what type of conversation is acceptable? When it comes to the "how-to's" of manners and etiquette, Debrett's is the source to consult. The topic of anything pertaining to royalty is definitely of interest to people and always good to share, as is consulting Debretts. Will make a point of seeking both out..

Obviously, they were popular pieces with blog readers, too, so in case you ever get invited to a royal...anything, read this: http://myviewscount.blogspot.ca/2011/04/royal-behavior-what-are-rules.html

Although interest is definitely waning, Wookie the missing cat story focusing on a cat that went missing in December 2010, and its owner, who was threatened with a fine for putting up posters in his neighborhood is still of interest to a few people. This piece has staying power and is still being read by bloggers. By the way if you live in the vicinity of Bedford, England, keep an eye out for Wookie. Owner Mike Harding would want to know.
http://myviewscount.blogspot.ca/2011/01/posting-missing-cat-notice-no-no-in.html

Although I've written many pieces focusing on a plethora of subjects, interesting how some have more staying power than others. Just thought I'd share.

Royal visit angst

Seems that Will and Kate, those royal love birds, will be visiting our neck of the woods so to speak, shortly. Once again another opportunity presents itself to be among royalty although still from afar, and give them the royal wave. You know - hand in the air, sort-of semi-circular movement but not all the way around. Queen Elizabeth has got it down pat but then she's had all those years to practice.

Then there's the decision as to whether or not a hat is in order, at all. I mean, what if one were to meet the royal couple one-on-one, then a hat would be in order one assumes. Accompanying this subject is the issue of whether one should wear a casual or formal hat, but for sure definitely not a baseball cap. Another dilemma, at least for me, would be whether or not to wear gloves and if so, should they be wrist or elbow length? Just doesn't seem logical to wear long-ish gloves up to the elbow with - say - pants, jeans or capris. In any case, these decisions call for yet another visit to Debretts for further consultation on royal manners for "what-ifs."

According to Debretts in their Royalty section, there is no accepted code of behaviour for encounters with royalty, "but adhering to the traditional forms of address will prevent anxiety."

Presumably, this includes no gum chewing if one is within viewing sight of the royal couple, and neither would cracking gum be acceptable. Another subject worthy of further thought is the wearing of panty hose. Would Kate notice if one's legs were bare and is it even appropriate to bear one's legs in front of royalty at all? So many questions with so few answers to these dilemmas!

To get back to Debretts, when being introduced to a member of the Royal Family men should bow and women curtsey. This subject was broached in an earlier blog entitled, "Meeting the Queen: what should one do?" if anyone reading this wants to know how to conduct oneself. A handshake is also acceptable. A bow should be made by bending from the neck or shoulders (not the waist) while briefly lowering your eyes. Lowering my eyes? What would happen - say - if one inadvertantly forgot to do this? How much of an faux pas would staring directly ahead be?

I can see the headlines now: "Royal goof - Ms blah-blah was seen not to lower her (or his) eyes while being introduced to Will and Kate." Could this be interpreted as being too brazen? So many things to remember.

Debretts also advises that should one happen upon a 'royal' during their time off, allow them the freedom to go about their business as an ordinary person. 'Assume that to royalty, being left alone is far from a slur; it is a luxury.'

Should one meet up with the royal couple while they take five at Second Cup or Starbucks, for example, one should not ask Kate or William to pass the sugar as a means of striking up a conversation. Neither should one keep any empty sugar packages that they may use, their coffee(or tea) cups for souvenirs.

Perhaps all this worry is in vain anyway, since they will be spending a mere few hours in our area. Thinking it all over, perhaps I'll just stick to practicing my royal wave and hope that they wave back. I mean, it's the least they could do.

Meeting the Queen - how does one conduct oneself?

Fresh from consulting Debretts on how to act if ever invited to a royal event or wedding, which as it happens I didn't have to worry about, anyway, since my invitation appears to have been lost in the mail, seems that we regular people have to be aware of social faux-pas or no-no's when meeting the Queen of England. Realistically speaking, few of us will have the opportunity to even be in the company of royalty, other than taking photos outside Buckingham Palace along with other visitors, but it's still good to know these things.

No less than President Obama, leader of the U.S. of A, breached royal protocol recently, when he inadvertantly made a toast to the Queen and then continued with a short speech. According to royal protocol, he should have stopped. The band, taking a cue from the Queen, started playing the national anthem, while Pres. Obama continued talking. Somehow, envisioning the scene, reminds me of a Monty Python sketch, but I digress. As I recall, the Obamas didn't receive an invitation to the recent royal nuptials, either.

So right now like me, you're probably wondering just what in the heck is royal protocol, anyway? Does it cover things like how to bow or curtsy (this has always been a stumper for me - I like to be prepared for these things), and etiquette that would cover issues like is it proper to spit or dip one's dinner napkin in one's water glass to wipe away sticky food from one's face. Stuff like that.

This mysterious - at least to me - issue of royal protocol goes back to a time when monarchs were accorded an almost divine status.

According to Dr. Kate Williams, historian at London's Holloway University, "From medieval times, monarchs were divinely appointed to rule by God, so they were kind of seen as gods, so they demanded to be treated as gods," says Dr Kate Williams, a historian at London's Royal Holloway university. "They are treated as people set apart from the rest of us, so primarily what it is creating is distance and grandeur."

This means one does not make any moves until a royal person moves first. For example, you wouldn't greet the Queen and her ilk like a long, lost relative by kissing her on both cheeks. Or speaking first by telling her that you love (or hate as the case may be) her hats. No hugs are allowed, either. Or using a cell phone to pick up messages and definitely no tweeting would be allowed. Bowing, according to Dr. Williams, is allowed and in fact, encouraged.

Presumably, there have to be rules in regard to bowing and/or curtsying. According to Debretts, my new "bible" for any royal "how-to" issues, have got this issue covered under the "Recommended Etiquette Upon being introduced to The Queen, and on leaving, a bow or curtsy is made" section. Take notes people!

- The bow is an inclination of the head, not from the waist.
- The curtsy should be a discreet but dignified bob.
- In conversation, address The Queen as 'Your Majesty', and subsequently 'Ma'am' (to rhyme with Pam).
- When conversing with The Queen, substitute 'Your Majesty' for 'you'.
- When introducing another person to The Queen, simply state the name of the person to be introduced:'May I present Mr John Smith, Your Majesty?'

However, not mentioned is how one measures a "dignified bob." Should the chin touch the chest area? Are winks allowable?

Royal protocol can be viewed as an expression of respect for the Queen.

This leads one (me) to wonder what the royal etiquette would be, say, if the Queen would visit the U.S. and attend say, a hockey game for example. Just thinking... Perhaps Debretts has this issue covered as well. Also found a section on Debretts covering seating arrangements, for future commentary. Meanwhile, I'll go practice my curtsies - just in case. You never know.

Royal etiquette - what are the rules? Debrett's knows!

Like many people, we are still waiting for our invitation to "the" royal wedding. Somehow it must have gone astray in the mail, stuck in the same place our Publishers Clearing House cheque for a million dollars in addition to the backlog of lottery winnings. These things do happen.

So much pomp and circumstance and all because the Queen of England's grandson is getting married. Okay - so they're rich and they have royal titles and they live in splendor in a beautiful castle with antique furniture to die for. Still, they could have extended some invites to some of the people living in the commonwealth, like us.

Just in case my invitation does arrive, and a quick trip to England to attend the wedding is necessary, one should know exactly how to conduct oneself as to not embarrass oneself. The ultimate guide in this area is Debrett's, "the modern authority on all matters of etiquette, social occasions, people of distinction and fine style."

After checking my social agenda and assuming the day is open, there would be some royal etiquette that one would have to know when mingling, eating and socializing with the royals and their friends. First and foremost on my mind is the correct way to curtsy and how to address the Queen. Does one place the left or the right leg behind when curtsying and how low does the leg go? Is there a certain length of time one have to remain in the curtsying position and what happens if one has bad knees? Does one back up once the curtsy/bowing introduction is over or just return to the standing position?

"Hi there, your royal Queenship. How's the family?" somehow seems a too...common or trite greeting.

Or perhaps being Canadian and all, she would appreciate comments to the effect: "good picture of you on our money."

Most worrisome would be at dinner and knowing how to use which utensils and at which time. When out with friends we decide amongst each other which rolls belong to whom and even if one of us takes the wrong roll, we just pass them along and no harm done, however amongst royal types, one couldn't play, "pass-the-roll."

There are some general guidelines of etiquette offered by Debrett's.

- Napkins (one should avoid calling them serviettes) should be placed on laps, never tucked it into shirts (or in dress tops). Corners of the mouth should be gently dabbed, if necessary, during the meal. No grand wiping gestures with napkin (or back of the hand). Napkins should be placed, unfolded, beside the plate when leaving the table. Not mentioned here is what to do if one spills some - say - gravy on one's dress or shirt for example. Is it socially correct or acceptable to dip the napkin in the water glass and rub the spot, gently, or does one leave the stain for all to see? When seated, one should sit up straight and make sure one's elbows don't encroach on the space of the person beside one. How much space is allowable? One foot...two feet... No resting elbows on the table or leaning on them when eating.

- For meals served on a plate, wait until everyone has been served before picking up cutlery. One wonders the reason behind this rule. To ensure that everyone finishes at the same time? Anybody know? One would assume that it would be a faux pas to turn over the cutlery to ascertain the weight and/or to ascertain whether it's real silver - In a group dining situation, it's acceptable to offer side dishes around the table and hold them to assist the other diners In other words, pass things down but under no circumstances throw your roll or bread accross the table, in case you miss your target

- Mouths should be closed to keep chewing noises to a minimum. Lip smaking is a no-no as is talking with a full mouth. This means don't eat with your mouth open so that everyone around you can see the saliva and ground up food moving up-and-down and from side-to-side. This is like...so gross! Or don't make like a chipmunk while storing food in cheeks and trying to speak

- Talking while there is food in one's mouth should be avoided at all costs - even when you have a conversational gem up your sleeve. Oh those Brits - "conversational gem up your sleeve..." Don't try to tell a joke, clean or otherwise, with a full mouth.

- Knives and forks should be placed with the fork tines facing upwards when finished - side-by-side - on the plate. This leads one to wonder what the consequences would be if one accidentally disobeyed this directive and left the tines facing downwards. Could a beheading follow?

So right now, you're probably wondering: what is the socially correct way to hold one's knife. No problem-o. Debretts advises that "a knife should be held firmly in your right hand, with the handle tucked into your palm, your thumb down one side of the handle and your index finger along the top (but never touching the top of the blade). It is never acceptable according to Debretts, to lick your knife under any circumstances, no matter how delicious the meal is. Presumably, the rational (pure speculation) is to avoid cutting one's tongue and surrounding areas with the unsavory appearance of spurting blood, which could spoil appetites. Furthermore, "when used with a knife or spoon, the fork should be held in the left hand, in much the same way as the knife, with the prongs facing downwards. On its own, it is held in the right hand, with the prongs facing upwards, resting on the fingers and secured with the thumb and index finger. A spoon is held in the right hand, resting on the fingers and secured with the thumb and index finger. Food should be eaten off the side of the spoon; it should never be used at a right angle to the mouth." This is all well and good but...what happens if a person is say...left-handed? Is it acceptable to inter-change which hands can hold which implements? These are important issues!

There are foods in which one wonders the best and socially acceptable ways in which to proceed. Asparagus falls into this category but Debrett's has this area covered too.

- The asparagus spear should be picked up towards the end of the stem, dipped in any accompanying sauce and lowered into the mouth, bite by bite. There's no need to chew through the tough, woody ends of the stems; they should be left neatly on the side of the plate.

- Peas: This was a real eye-opener for me. Avoid turning over your fork and using it as a scoop; instead, squash the peas on to the back of the fork. Utilise any aids on your plate, such as mashed potato. So now we all know there's a no-scooping-rule.

- Lobster: A whole lobster in its shell will typically arrive at your table already cut into two halves, allowing easy access to the flesh for your knife and fork. It is also fine to use just your fork while holding the shell steady with your hand. The big claws usually come cracked but if not you will need to use special lobster crackers. Once claws have been cracked, pull out the meat with a fork. If you want to get meat out of the smaller attachments use a lobster pick. I tend to stay away from lobster and all shell food, actually, because it is just too much work. Also, I just can't live with the guilt of having two beady black eyes staring back at me.

Next comes an important section focusing on managing stones (not as in the rock type) and bones as in olives, cherries etc. Pips and Stones and stones (cherry, olive etc.) should be discreetly spat into a cupped left hand and deposited on the side of the plate or discarded. One does not bend over a plate or handy receptable and spit out pips and/or stones.

- Pieces of bone should be manoeuvred to the front from where it can be discreetly removed with thumb and forefinger and placed on the side of the plate. It is not socially acceptable by the way, to dig around with one's fingers to find and remove the bone - unless choking is involved in which case someone must do CPR...but I digress.

- When serving tea, if a waiter places a teapot on the table without pouring the tea the person nearest the pot should pour for everyone. Biscuits should not be dunked in tea (or coffee for that matter) and slurping is a real no-no.

So now that one knows all the social niceties and the rules, the only thing remaining is the arrival of the invitation. As they say - it's in the mail. Anybody else waiting, too?

UPDATE: Seems that my name is not on their guest list to attend the royal wedding. Had my suitcase packed and everything... Oh well...

However, should I have been invited, I would have danced in a nightclub to be created specifically for the occasion within Buckingham Palace, replete with dance floor and dj. Wonder what Queen Elizabeth thinks about that what with all the noise and everything.