Sunday, March 05, 2006


So tonight is the Academy Awards. Can’t speak for others but this annual event is a two bags of micro-waved popcorn event in our household. Depending on how boring the show is we might indulge in a glass of wine at some point, which begs the question as to whether red or white wine would go better with popcorn. Perhaps a Zinfandel…or a Chardonnay…

Anyway, the real problem is what to wear for the gala affair. Somehow, jeans and a tee shirt just don’t seem appropriate given the formality of the occasion.

The really big issue for me, anyway, is whether to watch the show live or tape it since there is a special with Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS. For the uninitiated Dr. Dyer is an inspirational speaker and a personal favorite of mine. However, if I don’t watch the award show live, then I’ll end up reading the results in the morning newspaper and the surprise element will be gone. Not to be overlooked is the excitement of passing judgment on the various stars and rating their choice of gowns/designers that require live commentary.
Decisions, decisions…

As a writer who wrote a film script a while back that is gathering dust on a shelf, I’ve always pictured myself in the audience, dressed in a stunning one-of-a-kind designer dress. My hair of course would be perfect as would my makeup. Perhaps my image will be broadcast accross the world when they pan the audience. Of course I would wave and throw a kiss to people back home.

I’ve also wondered what happens when one has to answer ‘nature’s call’? Can one just get up and leave? Or, perhaps one raises or waves one’s hand and tries to get the attention of a passing usher. What happens if there is no usher around? Are there bathroom contingency plans for bathroom emergencies like a full bladder or loose stomach?

Like many people… Okay some people, I’m directionally-challenged. What happens if one goes to the bathroom and can’t find one’s seat again? Does one just keep wandering around aimlessly asking people the location of one’s seat location?
Perhaps under certain circumstances such as having to use the bathroom, the show organizers keep a few spare seats in case people lose their way.

And that’s why I’ll probably never attend the Academy Awards in person: bathroom issues.

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