I'm still here - the Mayan apocalypse non-event

So after much hoopla and apocalyptic predictions, I'm still here. I'll go out on a limb here and assume that people reading this are also still in the land of the living. Now that we've established we survived the Mayan 'Long Count' Calendar, what led up to this belief?

According to Wikipedia, "this date was regarded as the end-date of a 5125-year-long cycle in the
Mesoamerican Long Count calendar."

"Now that you've brought it up, what in the world is the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar of which you speak, Eleanor?"

Again, and according to Wikipedia, "The Mesoamerican Long Count calendar is a non-repeating, bigesimal (base-20) and base-18 calendar used by several Pre-Columbian Mesoamerican cultures, most notably, Mayan. Using a modified vigesimal tally, the Long Count calendar identifies a day by counting the number of days passed since a mythical creation date that corresponds to August 11, 3114 BCE in the Gregorian calendar."

Furthermore:

the calendar begins in year corresponding to 3114BC

Moves forward in 394-year periods known as Baktuns

Winter solstice in 2012 marks end of the 13th Baktun

Myth of end of the world based on erroneous reading of Mayan tablet carved 1,300 years ago

Archaeologists and Maya experts say text refers to start of a new era

Thank you Wikipedia for your informative background.

To be candid, didn't really give much thought to how to spend the day in 'case-of.' I mean, how does one prepare for an apocalypse, anyway?

Most likely I would have had my usual breakfast of toast and bumbleberry preserves and tea. Somehow, a cup of tea always seems to hit the spot during times of turmoil and an apocalypse would definitely fall into this category. Maybe given the nature of this precursor of doom, perhaps a bowl of cereal would have been in order. My diet most likely would have been forgotten under the circumstances.

Thinking further (again), what would be the correct thing to wear for an apocalypse, anyway? Would casual wear be acceptable or perhaps a more formal look would be proper. Choosing the right accessories would present a problem. Should one wear elbow evening gloves or would that be a fashion faux-pas? What about a/the hat bought in the event that an invitation to the royal nuptials came in the mail, which it didn't?  Is it or would it be proper to wear in a doomsday event, instead? Would the royal family care? Would anybody care? The problem is there is no apocalyptic guide to help make these choices easier.

If I had thought about it, which I didn't because it slipped my mind somehow, perhaps the construction of an ark would have been in order. Not that anybody asked me to but one does feel some responsbility for the animals of the planet. Then again, having never had any experience in ark building or any type of construction would have made this difficult. However, should it have been feasible, there would have been the dilemma of whether or not bringing along some species that included snakes, alligators or lions and the like. Snakes do not rate high on my "favorite animal" list. Just can't envision myself rounding up, say...pairs of pythons or cobras or crocodiles.

It wasn't until mid-to-late afternoon that it occurred to me after checking in CNN, Twitter, Facebook and other on-line sources that I, along with the rest of the world, had survived an/the apocalypse. So all the issues of fashion choices, survival equipment has been put on the back burner. At least for now or until another doomsday soothsayer(s) (say that fast after a few drinks) dictates otherwise, at which point I'll sit down and have a cup of tea.

Will Barbie take Ken back? Time to vote, peeplz!

At one time Barbie, the famous vinyl fashionista was dating Ken Carson, a vinyl surfer dude with a (very) limited wardrobe. They were considered the perfect couple, she with the immaculately coiffed long blond hair, perfectly chiselled features, who forever walked and will always walk on tip-toes. Ken was the perfect escort in spite of his limited wardrobe dressed in - well - surfing trunks. Together they led the ideal life - at least it seemed perfect to outsiders.

On Valentine's Day in 2004 after 43 years of being together and much to the surprise of everyone, they split up. Rumors were rife (say those words fast after a few drinks) that there were other dolls in Barbie's life but nothing was substantiated. However, shortly after they both went their own way, the plastic blond bomb shell started dating Australian surfer dude, Blaine. Initially heart broken, Ken re-started his life and with the help of an agent, he received critical acclaim for his role in "Toy Story 3", in addition to an appearance in Fashion Week in New York. Slowly and meticulously, he acquired a new wardrobe and a new image.

Although he enjoyed his new-found fame and according to sources close to Ken, he missed Barbie, the love of his life.

"If she called me right now - I would be back by her side - no questions asked," Ken frequently told mutual friends.

"Like - the guy was really becoming a drag!" said a friend who wanted to remain anonymous. "It was always 'Barbie this' and 'Barbie that.'

Obviously, many Barbie and Ken aficionados want to see the popular couple together again and to this end, a poll has been established, "Should Barbie Take Ken Back?" for the couple's fans to cast their vote on Facebook or at http://www.barbieandken.com/

When asked her opinion regarding the possible reunion, Barbie responded, "whatever..."

Wanna be friends with Queen Elizabeth on Facebook?

Being a Queen is a 24 hour job with lots of royal duties to perform and queenly responsibilities. It's not surprising to learn, then, that Queen Elizabeth, she of the British Monarchy, has decided to have a presence on Facebook. Seems that Queen 'E' enjoys surfing the Net and even sends e-mail. Perhaps - pure speculation - she uses e-mail to exchange recipes with other royalists, or send e-card greetings when somebody celebrates a special event. Usual, "normal" stuff like that.

She now has an official Facebook presence but not a personal profile page. Totally understandable. I mean, a Queen does not share personal information like her favorite books or recent book releases worth reading, film recommendations or where to buy a decent hat for special occasions. That would be just too...mundane and un-regal like. Facebook users, though, can 'like' if they so desire plus receive updates on their news feed about queenly happenings.

So let's say...if Queen Liz talks about something cute her corgies have done, or perhaps wants to share a nice photo of them or family members, Facebook-ers can 'like' it if they so desire.

The 'Welcome to the British Monarchy' Facebook page reads: "Welcome to the British Monarchy's Facebook page. To see updates in your news feed, just click on 'Like' Please note that any offensive comments will be deleted."

This leads one to wonder what would be construed as offensive comments...negative fashion statements perhaps. These are things that just can't be said or written or expressed in public!

The page will also feature the Court Circular, recording the previous day's official engagements.

Also featured will be information about royal events and ceremonies, searchable on a UK map.

According to information on the royal Facebook page, Facebook visitors won't be able to add the Queen as a "friend" or attempt to "poke" her as we normal Facebook members tend to do. Think of the social value for people to be able to boast, "I'm friends with Queen Elizabeth on Facebook!" Not.

Cutting the grass, mower or less

It's Spring, when a man's or woman's thoughts usually turn to...mowing the lawn. After a long winter's nap buried snugly under a blanket of white, nature compels grass to do what grass usually does. Grow it does and then some.

Came accross an interesting piece in a news article.

Here's something for people who kvetch about how fast their lawns grow and how difficult it is to keep up with cutting them/it/the grass.

Seems that the British are now adopting - wait for it - wallabies as pets to trim their lawns. A wallabie according to Wikipedia, is "any of about thirty species of macropod (Family Macropodidae). It is an informal designation generally used for any macropod that is smaller than a kangaroo or wallaroo that has not been given some other name."

Now you know but let's get back to this new craze that could be sweeping England.

According to the article that I found, wallabies don't come cheap at a cost of £150 for males and £650 for females. Notice that the females are considerably more expensive than the male wallabies whatever that means.

Let's say...people (in this case Brits, but their popularity could spread) really take to wallabies and slowly they replace sheep. Slowly, sheep will lose their place as the official grass nibblers of the hills, replaced by the interloping Australian marsupials. A time could arrive down the line when sheep will have to fight for a piece of land, just like the days in the old west. There will be public appearances on talk shows like Oprah and Ellen with their human spokes-people showing un-sheared sheep suffering from over-wooliness syndrome. Facebook campaigns to save-the-sheep will emerge. The craze could spread accross the ocean at our doorsteps and it won't be long before wallabies will become a public fixture on weekends cutting North American lawns.

"See you got a new lawnmower," a neighbor will say to another, setting up the scene. "Nice model. I got a new one too."

At which point the neighbor-Mr. wallabie-owner will lead out his new living model mower while the other neighbor watches in stunned silence.

It's a possibility!

Somewhere down the line there will probably be a public outcry with animal rights protesters decrying the use of wallabies for human usage as barbaric and detrimental to the wallabie's health. At that point wallabies will lose their appeal and sheep will retain their former glory.

By the way anyone looking to keep a wallaby should have enough land for them to roam, at leat a half an acre with fences at least 5ft high to ensure they can't jump for freedom.

I mean, really. What next? Trained angel fish? For the record I tried training my angel fish without any success. Stubborn breed I'm told.

I'm twitter-ing and I'm not a bird!

Can't exactly recall the reason behind my decision but the other day I decided to Twitter. It's especially puzzling since I'm also a Facebook-er or should that be Facebook-ee? Seems that Twitter is the place to be now according to the people in the know i.e. friends, cyber aquaintances, media types.

Comparatively-speaking, there is no distinguishable differences in my eyes other than Twitter is relegated to a one sentence statement: "What Are You Doing?" That's it! Nothing else! On the other hand Facebook asks the same question of members but recognized "friends" can join and allowing for comments. For example:

"Eleanor is feeling blechy today."

Sympathetic accepted "friends" could, if they felt like it, jump in with co-commiserations like, "hope you feel better soon!" or "tough!" and then a dialogue could be initiated until the subject is exhausted.

According to Twitter's raison d'etre, "Twitter asks one question, "What are you doing?" Answers must be under 140 characters in length and can be sent via mobile texting, instant message, or the web."

A word limitation of 140 characters is really asking a lot of a writer since we love to embrace words besides which, how could one properly express oneself in 140 characters? Then again there's the issue of how many people really want to know what anyone is doing at any given moment?

"I'm now loading the dishwasher," I could communicate to anyone who cares. Or "sitting in the dentist's office reading five year old magazines and waiting to have my yearly examination and my teeth cleaned." Wait a minute - is that more than 140 characters? See what I mean?

Somehow I now have John Mayer on my Twitter home page. Not that I'm objecting or anything because John is very easy on the eyes and I absolutely love his song, "Waiting On the World to Change." In addition I'm also subscribed to Wil Wheaton - remember him as Ensign Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, which I still love btw - and George Stephanopoulos of ABC News. Still, it is curious how these three were selected for me.

Be that as it may, I'm listed somewhere in the Twitter directory if you happen to seek me out. However, darned if I can come up with anybody who would want to know what I'm doing within 140 characters and therefore have not approached or listed any friends.

Yet.

However, I'm atwitter if anyone asks.

Christmas is alive and well...but not in Lapland, England

Once again a story focusing on a negative Christmas-related incident that took place in Lapland New Forest theme park on the Dorset Hampshire border, England. Twenty-five staff members were told by their hiring agency to quit Lapland New Forest, while a gate worker fled after being assaulted.

Why were they assaulted, you're probably asking yourself.

Perhaps the assault-ees were somewhat justified given that the entrance was £30 or approximately $44, which offered participants and revelers... Actually not too much again according to those that were there.

One father was so mad - how mad was he? He was so angry having to line up for 4 hours that he - well - physically demonstrated his anger towards Santa. Oh my... As if that wasn't bad enough, three security guards were also attacked and a snowman was so upset with the verbal abuse he received that he just took off.

That's not all.

According to staff members two fathers went at each other in the Gingerbread House over - wait for it - the last 2 spoonfuls of icing sugar! Not sweet, guys! The worst, at least for some children, was catching Santa with his beard off smoking a cigarette. Still more, Santa refused to let children sit on his knee unless they coughed up some extra money.

Not nice!

A total of 1,475 people have joined groups slamming the attraction on social networking website Facebook.

Meanwhile, the RSPCA launched an investigation after dozens of complaints about the treatment of husky dogs, reindeers and donkeys on the site.

Santa - the real one - would not be pleased!

See the photo of Lapland entrance here: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3107561.html

Basil the cockerel is living on borrowed time

It's not always an easy life for the aviary set, hence the expression, "for the birds." It's particularly applicable for a cockerel named, Basil, who has been given his walking - make that flying - orders by residents living in the neighborhood where the bird does his thing.

Seems that Basil, who arrived uncerimoniously in a garden six months ago and currently lives on a Gateshead, UK, housing estate, did what any healthy cockerel would do when the sun comes up, and welcome the day with some loud crowing. Really loud crowing. This didn't go over well with neighbors and complaints were registered with the Gateshead Housing Company and he was subsequently given his flying orders. Most of the residents according to reports, love him but he's got his detractors.

Thing is...Basil is considered livestock and under tenancy agreements, he must leave. Go tell that to the bird!

A spokesperson from the Gateshead Housing Company said: "Gateshead Council's tenancy agreement clearly states that tenants 'must not keep livestock, such as horses, donkeys, goats, pigs, cattle, ducks, geese and chickens at the property'.

"Also, 'animals must not cause a nuisance, annoyance or concern to anyone in the local area including any employee or agent of the council or the Gateshead Housing Company'.

However, Basil has received/is receiving help of the divine type from a group of local nuns who
live in a convent in Gosforth, Newcastle. Sister Mary, a nun at a convent in Gosforth in Newcastle, told her family that prayers had been offered.

There is even a Facebook page set up for Basil that you can join here:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=35567441405

Also, fans of Basil have written to Buckingham Palace requesting the Queen back their campaign.
The cockerel has until October 21st to vacate the area but how do you explain this in cockerel-ese?

See the bird in living color here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/tyne/7675829.stm

"Facebook" - how many friends do YOU have?

By Eleanor Tylbor

In case anybody reading this is interested - I signed in/up/to Facebook. However, don't look for a photo because there isn't one posted for a few reasons:

a) no photo of me exists that has been doctored sufficiently to hide all my facial imperfections
b) I'm a very private person (true by the way) and prefer to remain a woman of mystery
c) even if I did have a decent photo among the others, I don't know how to post it with my profile

I signed up with Facebook because I'm nosey by nature and have to be a member of this group in order to keep abreast of all my aquaintances/enemies/etc. goings-on. There was a problem initially as to how much information I should provide and I decided to limit it. I mean, IMHO, there is no logical reason why anyone should want to know or should know my religion. Also, there is no logical reason why anyone should know about my political leanings.

So far I have approx. two dozen "friends." In order to get "friends" on Facebook, the person requesting the friendship has to receive permission from the potential "friend."

"Blah-blah added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know blah-blah in order for you to be friends on Facebook. To confirm this friend request, follow the link below..

The most ununusual request came from a virtual stranger who wanted to be my friend. Although his photo and name didn't ring a bell, I checked out his profile just in case we knew each other in earlier years but it was obvious we had never met. At least not in this world, anyway. So I refused his friendship and then worried I had hurt his feelings. I mean, what happens if he had no friends to speak of and reached out to me being a writer and a communicator, and I had rejected him! Oh the guilt of it all!

Through joining Facebook, I am now a member of a cooking group with the leader being a well-known cookbook author. Interested family members and close friends can surf on to my page and discover - well - nothing much to be candid.

There is a competitive element to Facebook in that it could become a competition as to the number of friends one has since the number of friends everyone has is posted for all Facebook members to view. I suppose in the end it's a kind of virtual voyeurism in that you can keep up with what Facebook-ers are doing at that particular moment, what's happening in their lives and all the latest news.

To think we had to depend on a humble telephone to do that for us not that many years ago! By the way - wanna be my friend?