Sending it "snail mail" in the true sense of the word

The expression, "send it by snail-mail" has taken on a whole new meaning for Muriel, Austin and Cecil. In fact people using their mail delivery service just might have to wait for their package or mail to take weeks, maybe even months to arrive.

What makes this delivery service unique is that the trio are...snails. As in the gastropods that live in back yards. As in the real live thing(s).

These snails have been fitted with equipment to allow them to send e-mails on behalf of visitors to a website and it's all part of a "slow art" project called Real Snail Mail at Bournemouth University in the UK which will be showcased in Los Angeles in August.

Each snail is fitted with a tiny capsule which holds a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) chip. RFID allows objects to communicate over short distances.

Users of the service send a message via the Real Snail Mail website which is routed to the tank at the speed of light to await collection by a snail "agent".

Read the entire story here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7458531.stm

BTW - to date the snails have managed to deliver 14 messages.

There's also a web site devoted to the system and perhaps the site coordinates says it all:
http://www.boredomresearch.net/rsm/

The Web site also provides background profiles for the trio:


Agent 001

Also known as Cecil

Hours of service: 978
Deliveries made: 4
Current status: Carrying message
Average delivery time: 3.26 days


Agent 002

Also known as Austin

Hours of service: 2493
Deliveries made: 10
Current status: Available
Average delivery time: 1.96 days


Agent 003

Also known as Muriel
Hours of service: 978
Deliveries made: 0
Current status: Available
Average delivery time: None as yet

Interesting that Agent 003 - Muriel - hasn't made any deliveries yet... Too slow...too shy... One can only speculate.

A snail-cam will be available during the trio's visit to Los Angeles while participating in the Slow Art Exhibition from August 11-15 here:
http://www.boredomresearch.net/rsm/snailcam.html

Don't expect any quick deliveries, though.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS - SO SOLDIER SUES

Having the name Paris Hilton, and being in the spotlight, there's bound to be some negative reports off and on. That's life being Paris. However, being sued for being...Paris takes things to a whole new level.

The private claims that calling him Paris after the notorious heiress is “demeaning”.

Hylton, a chef with the Welsh Guards, is suing for race discrimination because he says other soldiers continued to call him “Paris”, even though officers ordered them to stop. His solicitor even wrote to Prince Charles, who is Colonel of the Welsh Guards, urging him to step down after letters to the regiment’s commanding officer detailing the allegations went unanswered.

Hylton, 33, says he finds the nickname offensive because he considers Paris Hilton – the wayward socialite belonging to the hotel dynasty – is “a white woman with a low reputation”.
He also claims that he was repeatedly called a string of racist names at his barracks in Birdcage Walk close to Buckingham Palace.

Hylton’s wife and children were also allegedly left in fear after a hate campaign in which locks on the doors at their married quarters were repeatedly superglued shut. At one stage Hylton, who was born in Jamaica, complains that an NCO who racially abused him had also punched him, leaving him requiring hospital treatment.

But he claims in legal papers submitted to Central London Employment Tribunal, which will hear his case next month, that he was the one who was arrested – and military police recorded his name in statements as Paris Hilton.

Hylton, from Woolwich, south-east London, says his ordeal has forced him out of his £22,000-a-year post and he is due to leave the Army next month.

The private is demanding £50,000 compensation from the Ministry of Defence, which denies his allegations and is vigorously contesting the case.

A spokesman for Prince Charles declined to comment.

OF LOST EYEBALL...DEFLATED DOLL...AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF

Came accross two interesting tales of loss worth passing on. Maybe it's just my quirkie sense of humor but they did make me smile. That's life!


Let's say...you're staying at a hotel in this case in Tasmania and somebody knocks on your hotel room door to deliver a box. Let's say...you open it and staring down at the contents, are greeted with an eye ball staring back.

That's exactly what happened to a hotel guest in Tasmania when he received a foam cold box containing a single human eyeball. The box marked 'Live human organs for transplant' was delivered by mistake to a hotel in Hobart by a taxi driver.

Hotel worker Gabriel Winner, who requested the name of the hotel not be used (I bet!), says the agitated guest brought the box to reception.

"The guy left with me with a box with an eyeball in it,'" he said. "I thought this is just too weird. I went and put it in the fridge because I didn't know what else to do with it. It was more than a little disconcerting."

So this leaves one to wonder why Mr. Winner (interesting name is this case) would assume that one of his guests was waiting for the delivery of an eyeball. I mean, it's not something that most if not all people would order. Even more interesting that he put it in the fridge along with other "normal" food. Can you imagine the shock a hotel employee would receive when opening the fridge to take a prepared sandwich for lunch?It's something out of a horror movie!

MAD SCIENTIST
Igor...go deliver this eyeball

IGOR
Where master?

MAD SCIENTIST
Let me check the destination... The Provincial Hospital

IGOR
Sorry? Could you repeat that?

MAD SCIENTIST
When are you going to get a hearing aid? I said, 'Provincial Hospital'

IGOR
Of course, master. Provincial Hotel...

And the rest as they say, is history.

An Australian Air Express spokeswoman confirmed a "failure in an internal handover process'" and apologized.

To say the least.

"As soon as we discovered the error we quickly rectified that and delivered the consignment within the appropriate timeframe,'" she said.Queensland Health spokeswoman Penny Geraghty said tissue from the eye was recovered and successfully transferred to a patient. "Nobody missed their operation. The tissue wasn't compromised," she said.

***********************************************************************************



Sometimes you can't win for losing. Take the case of this Romanian guy who recently registered a complaint with officials that his inflatable doll has lost its moan. Not knowing anyone who has ever encountered this - um - situation or problem, I would imagine that - um - a moan-less adult doll would be kind of...demoralizing.

"Moan, damn you, Isla!" the man probably/could have/might have said as he... Never mind.

A sex shop in Brasov, Transylvania, was fined 600£ and ordered to provide the man, said to be in his 40s, with a new doll.

The man had also complained that the rubber doll deflated too quickly(!), according to local media.

Well... I'm no scientist or physicist but perhaps - um - the doll's owner was a little bit too - how shall we say - active with his vinyl "friend?"

Iulian Mara, head of the local Consumer Protection Office, said: "No matter how strange it sounded to us, we went to the sex-shop from where the man bought the object of complaint and found out he was justified.

So...like...how did Mr. Mara et al discover that the complaint was justified, one asks/ponders.

"The doll was losing air very quickly and due to a faulty electrical circuit it didn't make the expected specific sounds."Oh gawd! Electricity is involved? I mean, what about shocks? Did the doll operate on batteries or was she a plug-in, one wonders...

There is no mention you will note, about what type of sounds were uttered.

Never a dull moment in Transylvania...

Britney's folk not happy with Dr. Phil blabbing to media

Last week Dr. Phil, TV's answer to Jerry Springer, made a "house call" to visit Britney Spears when she was hospitalized for - well - freaking out. Of course being that anything related to Britney makes headlines and rather than receive praise for his effort, Dr. Phil has actually been villified by many as using the situation for his own purposes. For his part Phil didn't disclose any details of his one hour "talk" with Britney because he said that would be unprofessional.

O-kaaaaay...

However, he did make an overture extending an invitation to appear on his show and when that didn't work out he moved on to her parents, who also refused. Now the Spears family is mad.

"Britney Spears' family says "Dr. Phil" McGraw crossed the line by not keeping his mouth shut after making a house call on the singer last week. Lou Taylor, a business manager for Spears' mother, Lynne, and younger sister, Jamie Lynn, appeared on NBC's "Today" show Wednesday and said McGraw had betrayed the family's trust by talking to the media about Spears' mental health after showing up at the 26-year-old pop star's hospital room on Saturday for a visit.

"The family basically extended an invitation of trust for him to come in as a resource to support them, not to go out and make public statements," Taylor said. "Any statement publicly that he made, because he was brought in under this cloak of trust, (is) just inappropriate." Taylor said McGraw was invited to the hospital by Spears' family, but "he was not invited to make this part of a public display or part of the media."

This is really a somewhat surprising and amusing reaction coming from the family of a celebrity that will go to any length to attract the attention of paps.

"McGraw said earlier this week that he was shelving plans for a show on Spears' latest breakdown. He said Spears' predicament was "too intense" for him to go on with the show. Taylor said the syndicated TV psychologist broached the idea of the show to Spears' handlers, who eventually decided that such a show would be "detrimental" to the family.

Actually, there was no reason for Dr. Phil to comment on their meeting, period, or provide any background information. His blabbing to the media makes him out as an opportunist and somewhat wanting as a medical professional. Dr. Phil is/was a psychologist before he became...Dr. Phil, superstar.

"Mental health professionals also criticized McGraw this week, saying he went too far by showing up at Spears' room at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles as she was about to be discharged. McGraw fired back at his critics in an interview with "Entertainment Tonight" on Monday. "Somebody needs to step up and get this young woman into some quality care -- and I do not apologize one whit, not one second, for trying to make that happen," he said."

Oh well... Sometimes being a TV doctor-come-savior ain't easy.

World's strangest laws

It's the beginning of a new year and perhaps some travel plans are on your agenda. It's always a good idea to know something about the place you plan to visit and perhaps some of the local customs.

Suppose a visit to France is on the travel itinerary and while there for whatever reason, adopting a pig seems like a fun idea as is naming the pig, say...Napoleon. You would be breaking the law since it's illegal to name a pig Napolean. No mention if it's applicable to the naming of other pets,Napoleon like a cat or dog. I mean, how would authorities find out if one named one's pet Napolean, anyway? But I digress.

There are some strange laws around the world down in the books, for example:

In Ohio you're not allowed to get a fish drunk.Why anyone would waste good liquor on fish is another thing but I digress.

It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses. Don't we all? I mean, really...

It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. "Arrest that man for dying!"

It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down. Why? Will she get dizzy?

In Alabama, it's illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.

In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

In Lancashire, England, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.

In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.

In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day. Don't all English-men own longbows?

In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside. Some would could say it's favoritism.

Now this is an interesting feat to accomplish: In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed. No wonder the jails are so filled!

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.

In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely “pet minders”.

In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. And if they don't? Is there a jail term involved?

In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

One of my favorites: The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset. So...like...who does the rest belong to? Anybody know?

BRITNEY HOSPITALIZED - THANK GOODNESS!

Well...the inevitable occured and Britney Spears, the once-was-normal-pop-singer had a melt down in her home and was hospitalized.

Thank goodness!

This might seem like a harsh statement but given her recent weirdness and irrational behavior of late perhaps - just perhaps - the medical community will give her the help she needs. That is if she wants and accepts it.

The reason for the breakdown according to news sources is her reluctance to part with her children. According to AP:"The 26-year-old pop star was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, Entertainment Tonight reported on its Web site Friday. Cedars spokeswoman Simi Singer said she could not confirm or deny the report, citing patient confidentiality laws. Officer Jason Lee of the Los Angeles Police Department told City News Service that Spears appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance. He declined to elaborate. No injuries were reported. Spears was conscious late Thursday when paramedics took her out of her home in a gurney. Several police cars escorted the ambulance out of the neighborhood, followed by dozens of celebrity reporters. Officers were called to Spears' house around 8 p.m. to respond to a custodial dispute with ex-husband Kevin Federline over their sons, 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James, Lee said. By about 10:30 p.m., six police cars, two ambulances and a fire truck had entered the gated-community that includes Spears' house. Several police cars were seen in the area earlier in the night."

Interesting development in that her father, Jamie Spears, showed up at the hospital. Britney has a father? Go know! He certainly hasn't made himself available to her up until now. Spears turned over the children around 10:50 p.m., Lee said."

For more commentary (another word for gossip):http://www.perezhilton.com/ http://www.tmz.com/

Sad...

ITALIAN COURT RULES CHILD CAN'T BE CALLED FRIDAY

This is one for the it-makes-you-wonder-about-parents department and what they name their offspring.

In Italy, a couple was told that legally they couldn't name their son - wait for it - "Friday" and instead, ordered that he be called Gregory after the saint whose feast day he was born on.

Friday??? Who would name their child...after a day in the week, anyway?

"I think it is ridiculous they even opened a case about it," the family's lawyer, Paola Rossi, told Reuters by telephone from the northern city of Genoa on Tuesday.

The child, Friday/Gregory Germano was born in Genoa 15 months ago. The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptised him as Friday -- unusual in Italy since many priests insist that first names be of Christian origin.

"We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name. Even if it would have been a girl, we would have named her Friday," the boy's mother, Mara Germano, told Reuters.

Can you imagine the life of ridicule a child would or could face given the name of a day of the week?

"Oh Friday - where's Saturday?" springs to mind followed by other days of the week.

When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children.

The tribunal said it was protecting the child from being the butt of jokes and added that it believed the name would hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships".

The Germano family appealed but lost their case this month and the story was carried on the front page of a national newspaper on Tuesday.When ordered to change the name, the parents refused and the court ruled the boy would be legally registered as Gregory because he was born on that saint's feast day.

"I really doubt this would have happened to the child of parents who are rich and famous," the boy's mother told Reuters, recalling that some famous Italians had given their children unorthodox names such as "Ocean" or "Chanel".

The appeals court ruled against Friday because it recalled the servile savage in Daniel Defoe's novel Robinson Crusoe and because superstitious Italians consider Friday an unlucky day."I am livid about this," the boy's mother said. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about."My son was born Friday, baptised Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory," she said.

Basically, it comes down to whether or not the court has/had the right to tell parents what they can or cannot name their children. However, it makes you wonder what (if any) they will name subsequent children.

STATE SENATOR SUES GOD

O-kay... let's see what we have here... A state senator is suing - wait for it - God. The God.

The senator in question, Sen. Ernie Chambers actually started the proceedings against God last week, claiming that he is trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere. Furthermore, in his lawsuit, Chambers goes on to claim that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Surrrrre. Of course...

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

Read it here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/18/national/main3271308.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._3271308

It will be interesting to see if the accused will respond to the lawsuit and whether or not a search warrant will be issued if he doesn't show up for trial...if it goes to trial.

Writers & Friends
www.writersandfriends.org

Got a penis to spare?

The world's only penis museum has appealed for a human specimen.

Curator Sigurdur Hjartarson opened the museum in 1974 in Husavik, Iceland, and has collected 195 penises from various animals. His collection includes penises from hamsters, horses and whales however now he is appealing again for a human organ.

He said people from the UK, Germany and the US had contacted him offering their penises in the past but that none of the offers had ever been serious.

According to Wikipedia, "the Icelandic Phallological Museum (Hið Íslenzka Reðasafn, in Icelandic) in Húsavík, Iceland (formerly in Reykjavík) is a museum devoted to phallology. As of July 2006, the museum houses 245 specimens (or more than 170, according to El periódico de Cataluña) displayed like hunting trophies, embalmed in formaldehyde, or dried in display cases. The museum attempts to collect penis specimens from every mammal in Iceland, including several species that are endangered or currently extinct in Icelandic waters.

Sigurður Hjartarson, a former teacher of history at an institute in Reykjavík, is the founder (since 1974, when he was 63 years old) and current director of the museum, which also exhibits a few specimens from mammals not living in Iceland, as well as folkloric specimens (alleged elves, trolls, sea monsters, etc.) and penis-themed art.

Although the museum does not yet have a Homo sapiens specimen, in the interest of advancing phallological knowledge, a patron (Páll Arason, born in 1915 and currently 92 years old) has donated, presumably posthumously, an affidavit for his penis."

So if you know anyone who has one to spare - spread the word.

YET ANOTHER YOUNG HOLLYWOOD TALENT GONE ASTRAY - AGAIN

She's in the news again. Grabbed the last few minutes of Larry King Show on CNN last night since they had a guest host (forget his name) a lawyer who was excellent and a refreshing breeze of needed pizzaz on the show, along with a group of high-profile lawyers who defend well-known people in the entertainment business and actor Daniel Baldwin, discussing and analyzing the latest Lohan case and her recent relapse. Access Hollywood's Billy Bush was also a guest.

Baldwin, who has his own issues with drugs and/or alcohol abuse and has been in and out of rehab. himself, elaborated on the psyche of the addict and that Lohan - or anyone with addiction problems - has to address the underlying psychological problem, which causes the addiction before being be "cured." Given her (Lohan's) upbringing and lack of parental guidance thereof and her sudden thrust into the limelight (and fame) at a young age, her response was to turn to drugs and alcohol for solace. Baldwin also emphasized that she will have to hit rock bottom and acknowledge that she has hit rock bottom.

Speaking of the parents...Lindsay's dad put in an appearance and it seems that he has seen the light and has turned to religion for solace. Good for him. However his conversion has impelled if not compelled him to preach his beliefs to the apparently not-ready-to-hear-Lindsay and as a result, has been in trouble with the law regarding his over-zealousness.

The general concensus among the guests was that she could get sentenced for a long as in 6 mnths. or more stay once again in rehab., or given the fact that she's got a drunken driving charge over her head already and committed the same offense again, could do real time in a federal prison. It will be interesting to see if she will get the celebrity version of a sentence or be treated in the same manner as anyone else.

Seems that according to Lohan, she's now hinting that she was framed...or something similar but is definitely not admitting that the drug(s) found on her were in fact hers. After Bush e-mailed Lohan to inquire as to how she was doing, she e-mailed him back stating, "Yes. I am innocent...did not do drugs, they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistsant, Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

Sure Lindsay. Anything you say.

Oh well... Looks like she'll have a lot of time to think about it - behind bars unless she wises up.

Read the Access Hollywood story here:http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/ah6192.shtml


Writers & Friends
www.jrslater.com/forum

PARIS FOLLOW-UP...THE BECKHAMS ARRIVE..."LITTLE BRITAIN" - U.S. STYLE

Just when the world assumed or hoped, anyway, that they had heard the last of or at the very least had a rest from Paris Hilton, now comes word that she's being investigated for having special privileges during her stint behind bars...or the equivalent.

Seems that the Los Angeles County Sherriff's Department has opened an investigation to determine whether she received special treatment. To quote Homer Simpson: "doh!"

The internal investation will determine - wait for it - whether the heiress had access to a cell phone when all the other inmates had to wait in line to use your regular pay phones. As if this isn't bad enough they will also be looking into whether she was given a new jail uniform instead of a recycled one like most of the other inmates. Last but not least, they will be looking into whether she had her mail delivered by a captain given that most mail is delivered by inmate trusties.

Such crucial issues!


U.S. VERSION OF "LITTLE BRITAIN" COMING TO TV SCREENS

As an occasional viewer of the British comedy series, "Little Britain", which can definitely be described as naughty bordering on dirty, it comes as a surprise that there are plans to bring the series to this side of the ocean. The series that created the characters Vicky Pollard and "I'm the only gay in the village" Daffyd famous, will feature a mix of existing characters from their BBC shows and new ones who will depict contemporary America.

The series will be shows on HBO and actors Matt Lucas and David Williams will make it viewable for U.S. audiences in fall 2008.

source: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3i1d96f56a2f843689bdac29b52238ecb4


DAVID BEKHAM AND POSH SPICE TODAYS CELEBRITIES OF THE HOUR?

Since the arrival of Posh Spice and her (more famous?) soccer star husband, David Bekham, it's been non-stop photos of the couple who have arrived on this side of the pond. He's here to play for his new team, The Galaxy, while Posh plays...herself in a special about...Posh, "Victoria Bekham: Coming to America" and part of the Spice Girls reunion tour.


Writers & Friends
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U.S. PRESIDENTS ARE CHEESY

There are many ways as there choices in which to enjoy and savor cheese but in this world, there exists people who feel the need - nay the necessity - to take cheese to the next level.

Cheese lover, Troy Landwehr of Little Chute, Wisconsin, a state that knows something about this milk product, has created, carved and immortalized four U.S. president in cheddar. Seems the cheese carver has had this habit for almost twenty years and he began his first cheesy replica, the Batman logo, twenty years ago. His latest creation resembling those at Mount Rushmore includes Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

There is no information supplied as to the choice of cheddar instead of say stilton, mozzarella, provolone or others but cheddar does have a firm texture, which would make a good carving surface.

He will be promoting his sculpture in New York before it - the cheese - goes on tour where it will be stored, hopefully and presumably, in a rodent-free environment. Ultimately, the cheese quartet will end up in Oklahome where it will be cut up into cubes.

The cheese sculptor was commissed to make the sculpture by a cracker company.
Here's a photo of Landwehr in all his cheesiness:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6258058.stm


Writers & Friends
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SHE'S OUUUUUUT! PARIS & LARRY KING: THE INTERVIEW?

At time of writing - afternoon - Paris Hilton, she of the "orange-is-so-tacky" will be giving her first (but probably not last) interview with CNN's Larry King tonight. Guaranteed Larry will be asking her the really tough questions that he is known for, perhaps something like this:

"So Paris - tell us the truth. We heard you were constipated due to the lack of a balanced diet in jail. Is this true and if so, who do you blame?"

And she will answer:"Well Garry..."

"That would be Larry..."

"Oh yeah. All those names sound alike. Like I told all you media people, I've seen the light. Gawd - how could I miss it being on day and night and night and day..."

"Your diet, Paris?"

"Oh yeah. Well...um... Where was I? Where's my good book?"

"You mean your Bible?"

"No silly man! I mean, my black book full of phone numbers of my friends!"

"Now about the prison food?"

"Well Harry..."

"Larry...Larry! My name is Larry!"

"Yeah. Whatever... The food was blechy. Really blechy. Actually, it was the presentation that spoiled it all. My daddy - he's very rich y'know - my daddy always tells his chefs that presentation is everything. I mean, macaroni can look so much better when you - um - something like that. They should hire me! Maybe I can start a new career!"

"So Paris - the whole wide world - is waiting to know about the constipation issue. Were you or weren't you?"

"Excuse me camera people - are you getting my best side? Were I or weren't I what?"

"Oh Paris - you're a real riot, girl! Constipated!"

"Constipated? What does that mean? Why don't we stick to the important questions like my new hair shade. D'ya like it, Barry?"

"It's Larry, Paris!"

"Ohmygawd! You have the same last name as my first name! Isn't that like...so funny? Maybe we're related! Do you own any Hilton hotels? Are you sure you people are catching my best side?

Something like that.

Writers & Friends
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A QUIRKY (OR TWO) - A-DAY KEEPS THE BLUES AWAY

Being that it's a relatively slow day for news items - at least for this blog - what better opportunity than to report on the lighter side of life.

It's not unusual for people to join in singing hymns in church but a special singer lends his voice in a manner of speaking, to the proceedings at a chapel in Wales. The singer - or barker to be exact - is Teddy, a guide dog who enjoys joining the parishiners in song.

The five year old golden retriever who had been accompanying his temporary caretaker, Nona Rees to church since last February but it's only recently that he's taken a more active or vocal role. Ms Rees had been babysitting Teddy until his owner recovers from an illness.

Initially, the dog used to sleep during hymn singing but one day he just...barked right in with the rest of the congregation. According to Ms Rees, Teddy particularly enjoys the faster and louder hymns. As expected he's unfamiliar with the words and there is no information as to his favorites.

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You can imagine how pleased crime fighting authorities in Russia were with their first Russian Robocop, hailed as the first member of a revolutionary new crime fighting force. Think of the possibilities with a crime fighter that can deflect bullets...and other exciting stuff. A joint project funded by police and city authorities in Perm, eastern Russia, the crime-fighter has video cameras and sensors that relay pictures and data to police stations accross the city, alerting them to a crime occuring and the location. The six-foot tall egg-shaped robot which moves on four wheels is a joint project funded by the police and city authorities in Perm, eastern Russia.

However -it's always the howevers in life that are so bothersome - nobody counted on the six foot tall egg-shaped robot to be short-circuited in the true sense of the word, by rain. It was on the streets for a mere few hours before it was recalled for repairs since heavy rain damaged its circuitry. Officials are still sold on the idea and more are planned for the future.

Shades of Terminator! Where's Governor Schwarzneggar when you need him?


And how was your week?

BRITISH ARTIST SELLS FRAMED ROADKILL

Most drivers will try to avoid driving over a dead animal carcas strewn over a highway but a British artist (if you can call him that...I would call him weirrrrrrrd) is selling - wait for it - squashed/mashed/mangled and framed no less, hare and fox for - again wait for it -£35,000.

The artist in question who lives in Horsley, gets his inspiration by scraping off animals who have encountered cars and lost, off the cement highways. He then takes them home (presumably but who knows) and skins them after which he sticks them in a frame and displays them to the public! Why - who knows. Art? Self-expression?

In order to sustain his supply the artist has set up a "roadkill hotline" for people to get in touch with him when they spot a squished animal.Does the union representing highway cleaners know about this?

There's more - don't read this if you haven't had your breakfast/whatever yet - he actually eats their flesh before using them for sculptures and admits to eating badgers, squirrels and hares.

He claims that he uses roadkill to highlight how people have become alienated from the natural world. O-kay...whatever... Personally, the possibility of the lingering taste of rubber from the tires is enough to put me off.

His sons aged 8, 12 years and 7 year old daughter, all vegetarians co-incidentally(!), love his work. I bet.

By the way and if you're in the area it can be viewed at Griffin Mill, near Stroud, as part of the town's arts festival. Viewing it on an empty stomach is suggested. There is no information available as to whether there are any buyers.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/gloucestershire/6742407.stm


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PARIS HILTON AND PUBLIC SYMPATHY

After a mere 24 hours more or less of serving out her jail sentence in her luxury estate, heiress Paris Hilton is back behind bars. Media reports indicate that she was hysterical and calling for her mother, as she was led out to a waiting police car that whisked her back to jail.

It will be interesting how this whole incident will play out with the public.

By the mere act of being Paris Hilton, party girl, international celebrity and rich heiress who appears to flaunt authority, public sympathy was not on her side on the onset. In a statement released before her initial incarceration, she appeared to accept the consequences of her action.

"During the past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realise I made some mistakes. This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make."

However a short time later reports began to circulate regarding her physical condition and it wasn't long before she was sent packing accompanied by an electronic bracelet to serve out her sentence at home in her mansion. Perhaps due to the public outcry focusing on celebrity justice and laws for the rich and the regular people, she was back in court and will have to serve her sentence behind bars.

Thing is...had she accepted the consequences of her action as she claimed initially to do and serve time behind bars, public sympathy would have been with her and she might even have emerged a hero of sorts. Once she defied traditional incarcertation, however, the public appeared to turn on her.

How she will be perceived by the public down the line will depend on the length of her stay in jail.

BTW - where are all her good friends and ex-boyfriends with whom she hangs out and accompany her on globe trotting jaunts, when she needs them? What about her ex-boyfriend? Guess she's as good as her last party.


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PARIS HILTON NO LONGER BEHIND BARS - WHAT A SURPRISE!

Boy am I ever shocked! Paris Hilton, she of the "I-want-to-set-an-example-for-others" was released today after being in prison - in isolation no less away from life's 'undesirables' - for a mere 4 days.

According to media reports she was released due to medical problems. Hang nail springs to mind...or the emergence of a zit... Officially, she couldn't cope with it all.

Duh.

Perhaps and unknowingly, Paris has set a precedent and other prisoners will claim hardship and ask to be released early because they couldn't cope.

So now Paris is under house arrest for 40 days and has to wear an electronic bracelet that will monitor her movement. Law enforcement officials will know for example, when Paris relaxes and dines el fresco by her pool, and lounges in other rooms of her mansion.

It's a tough sentence but someone has to serve it! There is no information as to whether the bracelet in question came in a selection of colors and styles or designer models.

www.http://www.dailyherald.com/story.asp?id=320892

http://origin.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_6082867


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SICK AS A DOG? GET PETERNITY LEAVE

It's not unusual to ask for time off work for your usual run-of-the-mill reasons including for example, illness, marriage, a death in the family. The usual stuff.

For some people, "I can't come in to work today because my tarantula is a little grey-ish" or "my parrot caught a chill" is a valid reason for staying home. At least it is in ('nuff said or written) Britain where it's an accepted 'norm' with employees allowed time away from their place of employment to care for their pets.

Staid British companies including Royal Mail, Halifax Band and the Bank of Scotland are among companies giving "peternity leave." You read it right: pet-ernity leave. The Halifax Bank and the Bank of Scotland allow time away from work as long as they get someone to cover their jobs. The insurance company, Penplan discovered that 35% of its clients admitted that they have taken time off to look after pets or to accustomize new pets to their new environment. The Courier Service, a company located near London, has had a peternity leave program since last summer that allows for two days paid annual leave for pet reasons.

However, Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at the Lancaster University management school, advised against seeking time off to care for pets.
“When jobs are insecure, telling a boss that you want time off work to look after a pet would not go down well.”

The concept does have merit since pets become part of a pet-owner's life and tend to be thought of as a member of the family, however, there is cause for concern as is the case with everything in life, for abuse. For example at the onset of the baseball/football/soccer season sports fans tend to acquire a variety of illnesses that last one day. On the other hand it does open up a whole new area of valid excuses. Calling in with a rasping voice and telling a boss, "I caught laryngitis from my cat" just might work.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1267579.ece

http://globecareers.workopolis.com/servlet/Content/fasttrack/20070502/PETERNITY02?section=HomePage


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Married goat wed to human succumbs to stuck baggies

This report belongs into the "what in the..." file.

A goat who was an Internet sensation when the story hit cyber space that it/she had been wed to a human male in Sudan, has died. Seems that local elders found said man having - um - a sexual relationship with Rosie-the-goat and ordered him to - wait for it - marry her i.e. the goat.

The concept behind the marry-her-or-else order was to embarrass the man and there is no information available whether it was a shot-gun wedding. Following the "marriage" and presumably the bride wore white, Rosie had an offspring - not the human-type - so we have to assume that Rosie was a philanderer or a sleep-around goat.

Culturally, in Sudan if a man is caught sleeping with a girl, he is ordered to marry her immediately in order to save her honour and that of her family. Save..a goat's...honor? Like...how do they know who the goat's parents were, anyway? More to the point, did anybody involved bother asking Rosie how she felt about marrying a human?

There is also no information regarding the funeral arrangements or whether Rosie's offspring will be/was present. What a world we live in...


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6619983.stm